A morning prayer

Dear Lord, please bless the fruit of the vine that I drank yesterday and prevent it from turning into poisonous gas, for my coworkers surely don't want to die that way.

Smite all the evildoers who smoke on the stairs in our building, preferably by sticking their lit cigarettes up their asses, but please don't set them on fire, for this is cruel, unusual, and also dangerous to the innocent bystanders. While we are on the subject of smiting, could you also smite the neighbors who play loud music until 5 in the morning, or at least their musical equipment, but not in a way that would cause awful noise, fire, or a fight with them hitting each other with furniture as they usually do.

Dear Lord, your humble servant here really wants to drink kosher wine during Passover like a good Jew, but the stuff they have in Alko is totally horrible and is surely an abomination in your eyes. Please talk some sense into Alko and get them to purchase some drinkable drink that is also kosher for a change. You might also want to look into the subject of the Jewish deli and almond macaroons, which were absent from there the last time I checked. And the new commandment about beer that I proposed yesterday might also be a good idea and would for once show everybody that Jews are indeed your chosen people, and the producers of good beer are even more so.

Dear Lord, I know it is beyond your power to make Killeri stop wanting to go to every meeting of the 1562 organizations that he is a member of, but please don't tempt him with any more organizations. Is there any way to convince him that when you say that a good Jewish husband should screw his wife all the time, you also mean goyim and unmarried couples? We could even do it at a meeting, which would have an added benefit of reducing the number of meeting invitations.

Please give me a euro for every time a member of Parliament comments on a law proposal that he or she has not read. More than one euro if you can spare. Also, can I have a euro for each foreigner living in Finland who has never read the Alien law?

Dear Lord, you are almighty. This means that you can actually write Lisp code, right? Right?