Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Refugee, part 1: in the old country

After taking part in so many refugee conversations I decided to write about my time as a refugee. This is mostly aimed at people who want to know the details of how it worked - I think most of the people who know me IRL have heard the story already, in more personal detail.

I think my experience was quite typical of a late-eighties Soviet Jewish refugee. Other groups at other times had different experiences.

First of all: why? Well, Soviet Union was a shithole in many ways, and I don't just mean financially. Discrimination everywhere. You can't do anything Jewish, or at least let anyone know about it. Not that, mind you, I or anyone in my family was acutely upset by not being allowed to build any new synagogues, but when you can't even mention having had a Passover dinner without getting into a bit of trouble, it tends to piss you off. Endless elections with only one candidate on the ballot. No freedom to leave the country. But most of all, right about that time the writings started appearing in the papers - and all the papers are the voice of the government - that everything is Jews' fault. We figured it was time to go.

(Yes, I am aware that there were a lot of people in the world at the time in a more acute need of asylum, such as for example my Cambodian classmate E., whose brother joined Khmer Rouge and sent their parents to a death camp, and who had to run away all by herself to some refugee camp to Thailand before that brother would get around to her. Refugee admission is a complicated political game that depends on many factors, such as the relations between the two countries in question, the money available, the number of refugees needing asylum, the expectation that a particular group of people is or is not likely to cause trouble, and the extent of problems in the country of origin. At that time pretty much all Western countries accepted all Soviet refugees that tried to get there, with the exception of individuals that had something seriously wrong with them. I see it as a lottery that we happened to win, just as I see being born in Russia in the first place as a lottery we happened to lose.)

The dance with the authorities went as follows, at least for Jewish people from the early 70s to the early 90s: you get a formal letter from Israel inviting you to join your family there. Then you go to OVIR (the Soviet visa office) to pick up the forms for the visa application. If you are lucky, they give you the forms. You fill the forms, on which you are claiming that you are going to Israel to reunite with your beloved relative so-and-so, regardless of where you are actually planning to go and whether you've ever heard about so-and-so.

Israel actually provided people with fake invitations on behalf of fake relatives who were, however, real living people. You could even ask them to send an invitation from some particular person, though it did not always work. The real challenge was fitting such new "relatives" into the existing family tree, especially when either yourself or you relatives have already been through the application process before and were supposed to list all the relatives there. You had to be rather creative.

Our family had previously had one such addition, I.S. The relatives who got an invitation from her were my grandma's sister and her family, and they decided to add her to the list of my grandmother's sisters who disappeared in the Holocaust and ended up in Israel (in real life all her 4 siblings who disappeared in the Holocaust ended up in unmarked graves in Poland and Belarus). Now we got an invitation from some N.T., whose name was so unusual that we did not know whether he/she was a man or a woman, and which was the first name and which was the last name. We decided that N was the first name, T was the last name, and that she was a woman and another one of grandma's sisters, and composed some kind of a sob story explaining why the previous relatives (grandma's sister et. al.) did not put her on their previous 15 or so applications.

The application asks for dozens of documents, a whole family tree with all the current places of residence/burial, and the permissions of all the close relatives including ex-spouses. Which in our case, thank god, only means the permission of my father's sister.

After the application is done, they accept it, or they don't. Not accepting the application means that the Americans can't nag them with the statistics of people whose applications have been accepted and denied. I know people whose application was not accepted for 8 years.

One of the things OVIR checks is whether any of the applicants has or used to have a security clearance. Security clearance is the most common official reason for denial. Problem is, most people seem to have it - I knew one person who had a security clearance working in a daycare based on the fact that the parents of most of the children there had a fairly high clearance, and so she was not allowed to leave for 5 years afterwards. Also, relatives' security clearance was a common reason for denial of one's application.

Some companies with clearances tell their employees when they are leaving for how long they should not even apply. The place where my father used to work said 8 years. The 8 years are up.

Our application was accepted, and in due time (about 5 month) we got a positive answer. One factor in it, I think, was that we had a rather nice apartment and some KGB colonel fancied it. He actually came in to check it out. He tried to come in for the second time, but my mom told him to wait till we are gone.

After they give you a positive answer, you have to get dozens of documents again, proving that you left the job, the school, the Party, the Komsomol, the Pioneers, the apartment (they usually still let you live there until you actually leave, but not always), informed the local military authorities that you are not usable anymore, returned all your war medals, if any, etc., etc. Unlike one of my aunts, who got kicked out of her place and spent her last two months in Russia on the couch on our living room, we don't have a lot of problems. The only problem is that grandpa, uhm, has drunk his military medals away at some point, when mom goes to inform the military authorities of the fact they don't want to give her the needed paper. She demands to see their commanding officer, who appears and reasonably says "Well, she can't shit them out for us, now can she? Give the woman that paper!".

In the end all the papers are done. We have to pay 700 rubles (the average monthly salary is about 150) per person: 500 for renouncing the citizenship and 200 for crossing the border, but this is not a problem for anyone because you have to sell all your stuff anyway. We go to OVIR with the papers and the cash, turn in our internal passports and get green pieces of paper with the name, the picture and the date of birth, all in Russian. That's our visas and travel documents.

With these papers we go to Moscow to get the foreign visas and exchange the money. We get the Israeli visa in the Dutch consulate without much bureacracy, there is just a long line of people like us and a woman who stamps every green paper we show her, and then we get an Austrian transit visa in the Austrian consulate the same way. We are allowed to exchange 90 rubles per person at the official rate, which is about $150 per person.

That's all the money one can take out of the country legally, but people arrange illegal exchanges where money does not need to cross the border: some family wants to transfer money to the US, and somebody in the US wants to transfer some money to friends or relatives in Russia, so the family just gives their money to the American person's relatives in Russia, and the American returns them the money when they come to the US. This unofficial exchange rate was about 3.5 rubles to $1 at the time.

Now that the paperwork is done, we buy the tickets to Vienna, say goodbye to relatives and friends, sell the rest of our stuff and buy some better stuff for the road.

Even at that point one is not totally safe. One acquaintance used to be married to the guy with security clearance, and they overlooked it when processing the application but noticed it later and invited her to come to the office to "straighten out the paperwork". She said "sure thing", made an appointment with them for Monday morning, then ran and changed her tickets to Sunday morning and flew away with her two children and one backpack.

About luggage: there are a million different things that you are not allowed to take with you, but I don't care. We have 9 suitcases for the 5 of us, with clothes and shoes and books and kitchen utensils, and hand luggage, and several smoked sausages, and about $150 per person.

Suitcases are supposed to be brought to the airport on Wednesday so that the customs office has several days to check that we are not taking any national treasure away.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

A song, again

Howling Imam and Headless Kuffar have made a song again: Towards Greater Understanding. The song is here on my server and the video is on Youtube.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

"Sure, and we also made the Earth round"

I know that we (the Jews) are really powerful. We own all the money, all the entertainment, all the media, we cause Islamic violence all over the world from Michigan to New South Wales, make Passover matzos with children's blood, get apes and pigs to give birth to us, and have sold mother Russia wholesale (hey, guys, where the hell is my share?).

What I did not know is that evolution is also our conspiracy.

A Georgia State Representative Ben Bridges has circulated a memo saying that the theory of evolution is Jewish invention rooted in Rabbinic writings in the mystic 'holy book' Kabbala dating back at least two millennia.

Oh dear. We invented evolution two thousand years ago and it still hasn't penetrated the more inbred parts of Georgia. We should really try to do a better job.

Bridges's memo was also circulated by Texas State Rep. Warren Chisum, who is now claiming he should have read it before distributing. No shit, Sherlock.

Ben Bridges, OTOH, is saying that he did not write the damn thing, but instead allowed Marshall Hall, the president of the Fair Education Foundation, to write it for him. When I started reading this I first suspected that the blame game will continue until someone can blame the memo on Saddam, who is not here to deny responsibility, but Marshall Hall actually fessed up.

Marshall Hall is the guy who runs the Fair Education Foundation, whose website is, quite appropriately, He is totally against both the evolution and the idea that the Earth rotates around the sun. Evolution, as we have already heard, is a Jewish conspiracy. He has not yet found a scapegoat for the rotating Earth. I say, blame it on Italians. Serves the fuckers right. I know they keep rotating the damn thing in whatever time they have free after forming a new government every day.

The scary thing about this is that Hall used to be a high school teacher. I know that elderly teachers sometimes fall behind on their science, but they really shouldn't fall 500 years behind. I mean, even some of the tribal regions of Pakistan have already grudgingly approved of 200-year-old science, and unlike them, Mr. Hall lives in a civilized country with indoor plumbing.

I am starting to suspect that we have outsourced running the Georgian evolution to the more backward regions of Malawi, or to UN bureaucracy. Jews would have done a better job. Hell, there is a green hairy thing in my fridge that would have done a better job.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Towards greater understanding

This poem has been inspired by Towards Greater Understanding – Meeting The Needs of Muslim Pupils In State Schools, a report by Muslim Council of Britain.

Islam attaches great importance
To our children's education
And if you Kuffar don't believe us
Just look at any Muslim nation.

Islam will put a happy ending
To failure, crime and disaffection,
And to promote the understanding
You need to follow these directions.

All schools should offer halal food,
All cooks should learn about Islam,
And the utensils never should
Be used for anything haram.

You should provide the prayer rooms,
A place to wash before the prayer,
One room for girls and one for boys,
As you should also be aware.

Don't have exams on Ramadan,
Don't schedule swimming, vaccinations,
No parents' evenings and no dance,
And please avoid sex education.

The locker rooms are un-Islamic
Even with genders separated,
And contact sports downright satanic
And should be promptly segregated.

Don't force the Muslim kids to shower,
There might be naked people there,
Islam prohibits being naked,
To make them shower is unfair.

When segregating swimming classes
Provide them with same-gender teachers
Let Muslim swimmers cover asses
With leggings, leotards and breeches.

When teaching them sex education
Don't speak of condoms, sex or pills,
Avoid all graphic presentations
Don't teach them any useful skills.

Since many Muslims think that music
Is sort of an abomination
It can be handily replaced
By a Koranic recitation.

Now that you've heard Islamic guidelines,
We have one more thing to remind:
Islam is not just for the Muslims
It is for all the humankind.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Cold, games and broken net

Life, lately:

The good:

- got some sleep,
- started playing in an Exalted campaign, the first session was yesterday, was great,
- had a session of Praedor on Wednesday, was also great,
- have some homemade green tea ice cream and it tastes just like the real thing,
- actually succeeded in making very chewy meringues.

The bad:

- it's really fucking cold, we need some of that global warming here right now,
- coughing a bit,
- the cafeteria at work is worse than ever,
- the net connection at home was broken for two days.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

The religion of peace has been busy in Thailand and in Pakistan

Various misunderstanders and out-of-context speakers (as well as bombers and shooters) of the religion of peace have been so active lately that I have no chance of keeping up with writing about them.

On Sunday, the Chinese New Year, 28 bombs exploded in southern Thailand. Hotels, karaoke bars, power grids and business owned by Buddhist and/or ethnic Chinese were attacked. At least 9 people were killed and 40 injured. Thailand's current leader Sonthi Boonyaratglin admitted that he knew about the attacks in advance but failed to prevent them. He has some kind of "hearts and minds" campaign going on, and apparenly not of the kind where you actually remove the terrorists' hearts and brains. It does not appear to be going very well.

As an aside - isn't it funny that pretty much the only really peaceful Muslim politician we hear about on the news is the head of Thailand's military junta? Go figure...

Isn't it a bit excessive to kill so many people in southern Thailand on a fairly regular basis as a protest against Israel's treatment of Palestinians, American war in Iraq, Danish cartoons, Britain's failure to let Omar Bakri Muhammed back into the country and Helsinki's failure to build a really nice new mosque in the center of the city? The people who kill other people and blow things up in southern Thailand don't really demand anything. Thailand calls them separatists but they do not in fact try to separate in any way.

Usually separatist terrorists have a terrorist wing and a political wing. The terrorists terrorize and demand some kinds of concessions and advantages for the political wing. The politicians condemn terror, claim to have had nothing to do with it, and happily use said concessions and advantages, and so the peace process usually goes, though not necessarily in the direction of peace. But these guys don't have any demands or politicians. Maybe they just think that killing Buddhists is fun.

In other news, Mohammad Sarwar, a guy who thought Allah disapproves of women's involvement in politics shot Punjab's social welfare minister Zil-e-Huma, who happened to be a woman. Punjab Law Minister Raja Basharat told Reuters the gunman had been implicated in six previous murder cases but had never been convicted because of a lack of evidence.

In 2003 the state of Kano in Nigeria suspended polio vaccinations when local Muslim leaders said that the whole vaccination thing was a Western conspiracy to sterilize Muslim children. Somebody should have sent them a team that would explain about the future sexual market value of their children and the detrimental effect of being paralyzed thereon, but either nobody did, or the concept was too complicated for them. Anyway, by 2004 12 neighboring countries were reinfected, two thirds of the world's polio cases were in Nigeria and about 1500 children were paralyzed. Saudis and some other Middle Eastern Muslims even dispatched a team of imams to Kano to tell them that Allah is not against polio vaccinations and even the Prophet himself would have considered the polio vaccine totally halal, and eventually they relented.

Anyways, now the same stupidity appeared in Pakistan, in places that are politely called "tribal regions", because "festering shitholes" does not sound good in official documents. Local religious leaders said - guess what - that the whole vaccination thing was a Western conspiracy to sterilize Muslim children. To make their point a bit more forceful, they blew up Dr. Abdul Ghani Marwat, the senior health official in charge of the vaccinations, and injured his three bodyguards.

The other health workers honestly said thay they are scared shitless and decided to boycott the whole polio vaccination thing after that, and who can blame them?

In Britain the head of the Islamic medical association, Dr. Abdul Majid Katme, is urging British Muslims not to vaccinate their children against disease because vaccines are haram (not halal). He says: "If you breastfeed your child for two years - as the Koran says - and you eat Koranic food like olives and black seed, and you do ablution each time you pray, then you will have a strong defence system".

OK. I wanna see the people who gave Dr. Katme his medical license. I mean, he is a psychiatrist clearly in need of some help from his colleagues, but still... One wonders if he, being a psychiatrist, also recommends conversion to Islam as a treatment to the most violent of his patients. This would certainly explain both Richard Reid and Abu Izzadeen.

One thing I've been wondering about: maybe one explanation of why all these people are acting like they are insane is that they are in fact insane? I mean, from the experience of several friends dealing with Finnish mental health care I figured that it's pretty bad even here, and Finland is after all a developed industrial nation with almost-universal coverage. Imagine the state of mental health care in Pakistan. Especially in the tribal regions.

Monday, February 19, 2007


I was sitting at work today when an angel flew in from behind, spread his wings and said: "perkele, tää kone pitää ihan kamalaa ääntä".

OK, it was our system administrator and not really a real angel, but I couldn't be more glad if it were. He dragged some computer skeleton out of somewhere, put my hard drive and a couple of memory sticks in it, reconfigured the xserver, figured the mouse doesn't work, swore, replaced the mouse, swore again, replaced the mouse again, and the mouse came alive and started working erratically in a constipated way. One more iteration of swearing and mouse-replacement got it working properly.

Now all the problems are gone. The constipation when reading the hard drive. The sounds reminsiscent of a falling helicopter with occasional high whistling and groaning. Weird waves of color on the screen. All the programs that use sound card mysteriously crashing. Booting by itself. Kernel panic on boot. The light smell of smoke from the power supply.

Funny thing is, if it were my own computer, I would have gone to the store and replaced the broken pieces months ago. But somehow at work it's too much trouble to look through the existing hardware and ask bosses for money and drag my ass from the warm ofice to the cold street, etc.

Thank god for system administrators.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Life: anxiety and physical things

Life is actually going well. Somehow managed to go to Krav Maga regularly so far; starting to play in a new Exalted campaign and am very excited about it; been to a really nice party last weekend.

Not feeling well, though. Feeling the kind of anxiety that makes me want to go to work on weekends. And it's not work stress as such: there is, as always, a lot of stuff to do and some things I wish were already done, but I am not under a particularly severe deadline pressure right now. The problem kind of comes from inside: the feeling of anxiety and the impression that doing work in my free time will make me feel better. I usually resist the impulse: working in such moments does not really make me feel better in the end, and is not very good for the code, either. Oh well. Thank god it's Monday tomorrow and I actually have to go to work, so this won't be an issue for a while. When I left after a character-making session on Friday midnight and realized that I really feel like going back to work, I got concerned about my mental health.

About anxiety: did it make any/most of you (my readers) scared when you were kids every time your body did something new and unusual? In a "eek, what the hell is that, am I gonna die now?" way? It's a little scary as an adult, too, but as an adult you have an experience of your body having done hundreds of new and weird things, and you not having died of any of them (unless of course you have in fact died, in which case you are not here to worry about it).

This thought came to me during a conversation about menstruation and how parents talk to daughters about it in advance. I kind of wish they have talked about a lot of other things in advance. I still remember how scared I got the first time I got a blister from my shoe and did not know what it was. People should warn little people about blisters, and about the ringing in the ears that most people get some time during their lifetime, and they should especially warn everybody that after you eat asparagus your piss will smell like something that should not be coming out of a person's body. In fact, they should warn about it right on the asparagus: "will cause your piss to smell like a weird chemical".

Yesterday Anu came over, and we drank and talked and then I realized that now that I own my refrigerator I can actually write and draw things right on it and nobody is gonna get pissed off. I also tried a temporary tattoo - a dragon, and it was so good that I have no idea why anyone would get the real thing. Today, however, the dragon did not survive the shower. But not to worry, they sell 6 tattoos for 1.5 euros.

Talking about the physical things, my nose really does not like the cold weather, but this is old news.

Been to the Chinese New Year thing yesterday. They did not sell anything interesting in the sales booths, but I really liked the performance, and dragons were very cute. Was cold though, and too many people in too small a space. Hope they will have the celebration every year now, and somewhere bigger than the space behind Lasipalatsi.

Immigration and multiculturalism: the real point

In the current discussion about immigration there has a lot of debate of what is appropriate or inappropriate for a immigrant to do. Is it appropriate for a refugee to visit the allegedly dangerous country of origin? Should we consider all things that are appropriate for locals to be appropriate for an immigrant, and all things that are inappropriate for locals to be inappropriate for immigrants, etc., etc.

These are all interesting and useful things to discuss, but I don't think that this is really the point. I think that the main point of the immigration and multiculturalism discussion should be the fact that large populations of immigrants make changes to the culture, both desirable and undesirable, and there are a lot of things that are quite OK in individual immigrants, but that are undesirable in large groups, and that if the country is considering admitting a large group of immigrants the country should also consider the changes that that group is likely to bring, and then decide whether the group is desirable or not, and if yes, what should be done to fix the negatives.

Take me, for example. People don't usually want to throw me out of the country, and there is no reason they should. I am a fairly harmless immigrant: more or less law-abiding (might drink wine in the park in violation of the city ordinance or even watch DVDs on a Linux computer in violation of Lex Karpela, but I don't kill, rob, rape, shoplift, drive drunk, or leave trash on the grass after drinking that wine in that park). I also have a lot of personal traits that are nothing to be proud of, but then so do many Finns, so this is beside the point. But I am also a product of another culture (three cultures, actually), and if you suddenly decide to admit ten thousand of me, you really should consider the consequences.

I won't go into all the details of the cultural differences, but here are several examples: I don't give a shit about environment, I want stores to be open round the clock, and I like drinks made of ice coffee and ice cream in a blender. The first one is the sort of thing that most Finns would consider negative; the second will find both support and opposition among the Finns, and the third one is the kind that nobody probably minds much.

There is nothing illegal about a person not giving a shit about the environment (as long as they don't commit environmental crimes), or indeed about a person who would like to live under Sharia (as long as the person doesn't do anything illegal about it). Accepting a lot of such people, however, will reduce the average concern for environment, or increase the average push for Sharia, and this should be discussed, preferably before rather than after. Because, among other things, after you admit immigrants you really can't tell them that they are not allowed to hold some views or advocate some (legal) things.

None of these is really relevant for individual immigration. If a New Zealander comes here to work, or a Nepalese marries a Finn and moves here, or a Brazilian comes here to study, or a Jewish-Russian-American comes here to study and then stays to work, their power to affect society is rather minimal because there are so few of them, so as long as they are not committing crimes there is no reason anyone should care. But any time you decide to admit a large group, whether they are Somali refugees, Russians with Finnish ancestry, or large groups of guest workers from wherever, the cultural impact should be discussed.

If you accept a lot of people like me, you will notice that the concern for environment will go down, the pressure to allow stores to be open whenever they want will go up, and lots of coffee and ice cream drinks will appear in coffee places. You might well consider it acceptable damage. You might teach people like me to go through some environmental motions just to please people like you (and, in my case, some of you have). Those of you who want stores to be open whenever they want, and/or like drinks made of coffee and ice cream might consider us a positive impact and say that we actually enrich your culture. But you should think about it, and discuss it among yourselves, before you let us in. Meaning: really think about it. Not just assume that we are exactly like you. Not assume that we will enrich your culture. Not assume that we will all be on welfare and rape all your men. But actually try to figure out what we are, what the impact will be, and whether the positives outweigh the negatives.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

In the non-news

Two news stories about Holocaust today: Belgium collaborated in the Holocaust, and Anne Frank's family tried to fee to the US unsuccessfully.

How, I am all for remembering Holocaust: museums, books, documentaries and suchlike. But how exactly are those two items news? I have been under impression that both were known since 1945. I have seen the responses that Otto Frank received from the US authorities with my own two eyes in the Anne Frank museum in 1994. (I mean, I have seen them in the Anne Frank museum in 1994, not that Otto Frank received them in 1994. Federal government is sometimes slow, but not quite that slow.)

The appearance of these items in the news was triggered by a new report of how exactly Belgium collaborated, and researchers finding Otto Frank's letters to his American friends, but it's still strange that these items are newsworthy, considering that the fact have been already known.

Speak about the devil...

Considering how much I write about Islamic terrorists, and how rare Christian terrorists are, it's funny that the Christian ones found my blog. I got a comment from a guy from the Army of God, the Christian organization that supports terrorism. At first I thought it was a joke, but the IP seems like the real thing.

As a great supporter of the war on terror I hope that the US will start putting the people who openly incite terrorism in prisons soon. Just think of it: Donald Spitz would might up in the same cell with Fred Phelps, and finally both men might find true love.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Fundamentalists of various persuasions

Every once in a while I hear talk about how Christian fundamentalists are just as bad as the Muslim ones. To that, I usually feel like quoting Mark Steyn:

"Unfortunately, for the old moral equivalence to hold up, the Christians really need to get off their fundamentalist butts and start killing more people. At the moment, the brilliantly versatile Muslim fundamentalists are gunning down Maryland schoolkids and bus drivers, hijacking Moscow theatres, self-detonating in Israeli pizza parlours, blowing up French oil tankers in Yemen, and slaughtering nightclubbers in Bali, while Christian fundamentalists are, er, sounding extremely strident in their calls for the return of prayer in school."

Steyn is exaggerating a bit of course, forgetting Eric Robert Rudolph and John Salvi. Still, Rudolph and Salvi and the rest of Christian terrorists in the world, for, say, the last 30 years are rather meager pickings in comparison to the amount of Muslim terrorism during the same time in, say, France (all because France invaded Iraq, I am sure, or because Israel is occupying Palesine, or because Pattani was annexed by Thailand in 1909 or because of the Crusades or because of some other real or imagined grievance).

I think it is pretty obvious that Islamic fundamentalists are more trouble than any other kind, but I keep wondering how much of this is inherent in the fundamentalists themselves, and how much of it is inherent in the fact that Christian and Jewish fundamentalists tend to be a smaller percentage of the respective populations, and rather less liked. This is of course an interactive process: the more the surrounding society dislikes the fundamentalists, the more pressure there is on them to behave themselves, the more they try to please, etc.

One problem in discussing Islamic, Christian and Jewish fundamentalism is that the standards for defining a fundamentalist in public discourse are quite different for different religions. The media usually reserves the use of the expression "Islamic fundamentalist" to the people who are fairly vocal supporters of Islamic terrorism, and tends to call people who do not speak in support of terrorism too often "moderates". I think that if we apply the same standards to Christians and Jews their fundamentalists would almost completely disappear.

It is kind of understandable that when the media is talking about "moderate Muslim clerics" or "fundamentalist Muslim clerics" they tend to use these expressions to compare them to other Muslim clerics, but then they - and we - should always remember that when we are talking about "Muslim fundamentalists" and about "Christian fundamentalists" we are not talking about the same thing.

If we start applying the same standards to Islam as we apply to Christians or Jews, we might find that their fundamentalists are only somewhat more violent than ours - but we might also find out that there is an awful lot of them.

The most prominent examples of "moderate muslim clerics" mentioned in the media are Yusuf al-Qaradawi and Tariq Ramadan. Would the people even in their worst nightmare call a Christian priest who supports some suicide bombings and demands punishment for homosexuals a "moderate"? Or a rabbi who has supported terrorist organizations financially?

A recent poll in the UK found that 37% of young (16 to 24) Muslims would prefer to live under Sharia, 36% believe that apostasy should be punished by death, and 74% would prefer Muslim women to wear veils. This did not produce any "74% of young UK Mislims are fundamentalists" headlines. However, if I saw a Jew who wants to live under Halacha, or believes that people who convert out of Judaism should be shunned and not talked to, or believes that married women should cover their hair, I would consider that person a fundamentalist.

This I think is the problem. In Christianity and Judaism fundamentalists, or at least the kind of fundamentalists who want to change the whole society according to their religious views, are small minorities who are reasonably afraid of the majority. In Islam they are either the majority or a large minority, and have nobody to be afraid of.

Anyways - IMO religious fundamentalists of any persuasion are, generally speaking, bad news. Yes, they have the right to practice their religions. And I have a right to consider them bad news. There are groups of them that live their fundamentalist lives in peace and don't try to force others to live according to their religion, but I strongly suspect that this is just because they don't think they can. And while I think that it's Islamic fundamentalists who cause most problems, I would find it rather disturbing if several tens of thousands of fundamentalist Christian or fundamentalist Jewish voters suddenly materialized all around me.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

"Eek, we are running out of terrorists! Let's let some more out of prison!"

Germans are letting Brigitte Mohnhaupt out of prison after 24 years, on account of her "no longer posing a threat".

Inquiring minds want to know: how do they know? I don't doubt that prison officials know more about her than I do, but I am just curious as to what exactly do they know? Did her hands become so arthritic at 57 that she cannot hold a pistol anymore, or did she become a nicer person in the meanwhile? At least according to the papers she has never expressed any remorse for what she's done.

Generally speaking I don't think that all murderers should always spend the rest of their lives in prison. Sometimes a pardon after sufficiently many years is a perfectly good idea. But hey, this woman is serving five life sentences for several murders - how merciful can you get?

The woman has already been released by authorities twice in her life, and all she has ever done was terrorism and murder.

I do understand that some people deserve a second chance, but can anyone explain to me why a person should be given a fourth chance after she has used her second and third chance to murder several people?

Monday, February 12, 2007

My butt is about to fall off and start independent existence

Too much exercise all of a sudden is really, really bad for you. Don't try it at home.

The exercise in question involved a rather muscular guy sitting on top of me and me trying to throw him off me, and then the other way around. Don't get too excited, perverts, we had our clothes on.

It was fun, but I discovered at least 3894 muscles I did not know I had, and every single one of them really hurts now.

Viestintävirasto is slow but unsure

They just answered the question I asked them by email on February 1st, and their answer was that they are still not sure and are trying to figure it out. Which is funny, because on February 2d I called them on the phone, and they were in fact sure. I told them to contact me if they change their mind once again.

I have a feeling that soon Viestintävirasto will put me on a difficult customers list, with the following comment: "Source of endless questions. Do not encourage or contact, ever."

Saturday, February 10, 2007

A homage to Abu Izzadeen and his body parts

Once again the Howling Imam and the Headless Kuffar been extermely generous: they have written music to my lyrics, and performed the song, and made a video. The song is here. The video is on Youtube.

(I just realized that the song is really not a very good parody, because Abu Izzadden would probably agree with every word of it, except maybe the bit about replacing 72 virgins with one who is 72 years old. You really can't parody the guy.)

Friday, February 09, 2007

Abu Izzadeen song

Disclaimer: this is based on the actual views expressed by Abu Izzadeen in the media, so all complaints about contents should be rightfully addressed to him. The only place where I took a lot of poetic license was the speculation about where his various body parts should end up if he blows himself up, so all the complaints of the "we don't want his feet here" kind may be addressed to me.

I'm gonna tell you all as it is:
Like all good Muslims, I am a terrorist,
If you blow things up, it's really very well,
But if you vote, you are going straight to hell.

I have changed my first name to Omar,
I strike terror in the hearts of the kuffar.
If you are trying to convert them in vain
Try instead to blow up a subway train.

Seven hundred pounds are not enough for life
That's why I need to get a second wife.
I am tall, witty, sensitive and hot
Even though my beard is a little bit too short.

One wife and three children are all I got,
With four wives and nine kids the state would pay a lot.
Or else with any luck the kuffar might get scared
And put me on a pension for the mentally impaired.

I would like to install the Sharia,
I was a spokesman for Al-Ghurabaa.
I was too dumb to be an electrician
So Allah found me and gave me a mission.

Nine-eleven bombers deserve your praise,
They have made the world a better place.
Seven-seven bombers deserve praise too -
With any luck they might have even killed a Jew.

If a Muslim joins the army, cut off his head
Or find some other way to make him dead.
Those who convert out of Islam gotta be killed -
That's how a proper Muslim state is built.

I have no allegiance to Britain whatsoever
But they have to pay me, because I am so clever,
We Muslims don't believe in the freedom of speech,
But Britain has to let a crazy schmuck like myself preach.

Someday Britain will be a Muslim state
If you don't like it, kill yourselves or go away.
But even after all you kuffar have escaped
Please remember to send us some development aid.

Only cowards can enjoy being alive.
As a true believer I would much prefer to die,
To blow up, with my head flying high in the air,
My feet on Piccadilly, hands on Trafalgar square.

To the Oxford street will fly my eyes,
And my penis will fly straight to paradise.
Seventy-two virgins will scream "woo-hoo",
Or maybe only one, but she is seventy-two.

You've taken out of context everything I say
But I would still repeat it all again.
I'm the Al Ghurabaa's brightest, Abu Izzadeen.
Shit! Police is coming! I don't want to be seen.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Out-of-context imam of the week

So many imams have been out of context this week that I wasn't sure which one to blog about - one surely cannot blog about all of them. And the winner is... Abu Izzadeen!

Apparently British police agree with my choice of the winner, because they have just arrested him for inciting terrorism.

The police found some video footage of him speaking at London's Regent Park Mosque in 2004 and calling the government "crusaders who come to kill and rape Muslims". Check out his picture, BTW. Don't you totally feel like raping him? Ok, it's unfair to pick on people's looks, especially when they are doing their best impersonation of a rabid bulldog.

(If, incidentally, you do want to have sex with the man, he is looking for wives number 2, 3 and 4, and would like to have more than 9 children.)

Izzadeen says: "Whoever allies himself with the kaffirs against the believers, he is one of them. So those enemies to Allah who join the British Government - because remember, the British Government are crusaders who come to kill and rape Muslims - whoever joins them, he who joins the British Army, he is a mortal kaffir and his only hukum [punishment] is for his head to be removed. Whoever changes his deen [Muslim code of life]: Kill him."

Regent's Park Mosque, of course, said that Izzadeen's comments in no way represented its views.

Abu Izzadeen himself insists that he was taken out of context but would say the same again.

In his earlier statements Abu Izzadeen has praised the 9/11 bombers, 7/7 bombers, and said he wants to die as a suicide bomber. "I want to be blown into pieces with my hands in one place and my feet in another," - he says. I must admit that the image of his various body parts detached from each other is amusing in a fairly morbid way, and hey, it's a free country, but IMO he shouldn't be allowed to fulfil his dream in a public place.

You can see a video of the man himself trying to joke about 9/11, 7/7, and to threaten everything that moves, and no, this is not even the scandalous video that was recently found, but some earier one.

Abu Izzadeen was born Trevor Brooks in London in 1976. He converted to Islam at the age of 17. He used to be one of the leaders of Al Ghurabaa, which was banned as a terrorist organization last summer. Although he opposes everything British, he naturally lives on the money provided by British taxpayers, just like his spiritual leader Omar Bakri Mohammed used to. I guess in the age of bittorrent and Youtube jihad videos don't pay like they used to.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Homeland security hits the bottom. Literally.

From a letter in Lancet (text here), via Boing Boing:

A man who had a seton in his anus arrived in New York in August 2006 on vacation. Immigration officials were very suspicious of the seton and decided that the passenger wouldn't be allowed into the country unless he consents to its removal, which he did.

Inquiring minds want to know:

1. Why did the immigration officials decide to check his ass? Anal checkups are not a part of the normal admission procedure to the Land of the Free. Not yet, anyway. Usually they just look at your passport, ask you a lot of questions if you are a foreigner, and occasionally open your suitcase. They do not, AFAIK, randomly ask people to show their anuses.

2. What would have happened if he decided to go back home rather than submit to the removal, and the airport security personnel did not allow him on the plane back home with it? Do immigration, customs and airport security coordinate this kind of a thing somehow?

Tuesday, February 06, 2007


Today is a good day for complaints:

1. It's fucking cold.

2. It's fucking slippery.

3. Fell and scratched my knees (see #2).

4. Saw a nightmare.

5. Sleeeeeepy!

6. Don't understand all intricacies of xdoclet. OK, let's face it, don't understand any intricacies of xdoclet, only the basic use.

7. The Nigerian Pentecostals downstairs are driving me fucking crazy. (Nothing against Nigerians or Pentecostals as such, but if one wants to speak in tongues in an apartment building one shouldn't accompany it with music at the volume of a rock concert).

8. The asshole company (aka Mizzbrazil, or Qbrasil LTD), is trying to wind up the operations without paying its creditors any money or even informing said creditors.

9. New graffiti appeared at the subway station.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Abu Laban R.I.H.

Abu Laban, the Danish imam of the pig face fame, has kicked the bucket last week. One really shouldn't write bad things about dead people, but sometimes it's hard to resist.

For those who do not remember: Abu Laban was the leader of the Islamic Society in Denmark. He was admitted to Denmark in 1984 on account of being persecuted for Islamic extremism in Egypt and UAE. He was known, not surprisingly, for antisemitism, terrorist connections, calling people to jihad and demanding introduction of various medieval practices in Denmark, but most of all he was known for taking the 12 terrible cartoons of blasphemy, adding 3 of his own, and touring the Middle East with the 15 cartoons and imam Ahmad Akkari to raise outrage.

Anyway, he is dead now. And Ahmad Akkari got into a car accident as he was driving home from the funeral. Maybe Allah really doesn't like forgerers much, or my song is a reasonably successful curse on the imams featured in it.

On a more serious note: who let the fucker into Denmark in the first place? Why would any civilized country admit a guy who is already known to be an Islamic extremist?

Eeew! And ouch!

An excerpt from Ayaan Hirsi Ali's new book, Infidel, describing her circumcision.

Not for the faint of heart.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Maxinetti, part 3

Viestintävirasto, as everyone who has tried to communicate with them by email probably knows, is the last refuge of the dyslexic. Their answers tend to be somewhat irrelevant and not answer the question asked. They often simultaneously resemble some Usenet thread where the participants don't read what other participants write, and some of the most obscure fatwas of Ayatollah Sistani.

Having despaired about ever receiving a sensible answer by email, I actually called them. On the real phone. Wow. Turned out to be a rather positive experience, where a very nice lady told me "hold on, I'll find the paper with Maxinetti instructions", found it, and read it to me. The paper said, quite unambiguously, that Maxinetti broadband users do not have to pay the TV tax if they do not subscribe to the PCTV service. I thanked the nice lady, all the time wondering why can't they just publish the damn paper on the webside and save her time for something either more useful of more pleasant than reading it over the phone to the customers.

So Maxinetti wasn't lying after all. Neverthless now I feel like changing the provider, if for no other reason than that Maxinetti hasn't announced anything on the TV tax issue to its customers and hasn't responded to my email to the customer service for 3 days so far.


Damn Blogspot ate my previous post.