Dear Lord,

If you have any sense of justice at all, please make a 10-meter saguaro cactus grow out of Putin's chair, and right up his ass, right as he speaks to the Russian parliament. This will be a most impressive display of your might, much better than burning bushes. Besides, a burning bush is not very well visible through the pants.

Dear Lord

Dear Lord,

You have a unique chance to make more believers, uphold the public order, relieve the burden on the French taxpayers and release a whole bunch of police officers home to their partners, children dinners and friends. Please arrange for Mohammed Merah to be raped and eaten by a herd of wild boars, preferably simultaneously, within the next hour.

While you are at it, could you also do to him the Unspeakable Thing that I read about yesterday, and the one I read about today, too.

Yeah, and thanks for the nice weather!

Dear Lord,

Thanks for the long weekend, and for Easter and Passover coinciding this year, so that thy faithful servant has had four days to sleep off the hangover.

Thank you for Verkkokauppa and the new hard drive. For it is thy law that the data expands to fill all available space, and then more hard drives are needed, and then hard drives expand to fill all the slots in the case, and then you have to take out the smallest one and replace it with the biggest one you can find, and thus the cycle of life continues.

You really shouldn't have tempted me to upgrade to Debian unstable, but now that you've done so, please don't tempt me with the experimental.

Please smite the fuckers who write NVidia graphic card drivers, for even thy Divine wisdom would not be enough to figure out all the ways those drivers fuck up the irqs. Don't smite them too much, though, because they need to fix the damn things. Forgive me for installing one of those damn things on my computer, for I know that they are an abomination in thy eyes, but if you want me to avoid the temptation, please find some other way for me to use Google Earth with an nv driver that does not involve having an eternal life. Or, alternatively, give me that eternal life, so that in the mist of centuries I can see Google Earth running without a proprietary driver.

Thanks for the spring. keep up the good work, and let us hope for an eventual upgrade to a summer.

Please fix the economy if you can. Especially if you can do so without inflations, deflations, huge unemployment rates, stock market crashes, electing any members of Green-Rainbow party, tsunamis, or other calamities that would change life as we know it into something horrible.

On Sheikh Abdul Aziz Al-Sheikh, the grand mufti who thinks it's OK to marry 10-year-old girls, please bestow 72 male virgin elephants, and may their romantic union be long, and very entertaining for the onlookers.

I heard there are pirates in the Indian ocean taking a real-life version of The Pirates of the Caribbean a bit too seriously. Do you think you could arrange a slight change of genre? For example, The Pirates of the Caribbean meets Jaws?

If you really are omnipotent, please fix my espresso machine, or better yet give my employer the idea to buy an espresso machine for the office kitchen. Thy chosen people are suffering at work without proper espresso, and so do the infidels, too. The machine should have a milk frothing thingie, too, preferably one that works unlike the one that my previous employer had.

Is it too much to ask for world peace at this point? Thought so. But if you have some extra common sense lying around somewhere, we have a few politicians that might need it.