Sunday, February 25, 2007

"Sure, and we also made the Earth round"

I know that we (the Jews) are really powerful. We own all the money, all the entertainment, all the media, we cause Islamic violence all over the world from Michigan to New South Wales, make Passover matzos with children's blood, get apes and pigs to give birth to us, and have sold mother Russia wholesale (hey, guys, where the hell is my share?).

What I did not know is that evolution is also our conspiracy.

A Georgia State Representative Ben Bridges has circulated a memo saying that the theory of evolution is Jewish invention rooted in Rabbinic writings in the mystic 'holy book' Kabbala dating back at least two millennia.

Oh dear. We invented evolution two thousand years ago and it still hasn't penetrated the more inbred parts of Georgia. We should really try to do a better job.

Bridges's memo was also circulated by Texas State Rep. Warren Chisum, who is now claiming he should have read it before distributing. No shit, Sherlock.

Ben Bridges, OTOH, is saying that he did not write the damn thing, but instead allowed Marshall Hall, the president of the Fair Education Foundation, to write it for him. When I started reading this I first suspected that the blame game will continue until someone can blame the memo on Saddam, who is not here to deny responsibility, but Marshall Hall actually fessed up.

Marshall Hall is the guy who runs the Fair Education Foundation, whose website is, quite appropriately, He is totally against both the evolution and the idea that the Earth rotates around the sun. Evolution, as we have already heard, is a Jewish conspiracy. He has not yet found a scapegoat for the rotating Earth. I say, blame it on Italians. Serves the fuckers right. I know they keep rotating the damn thing in whatever time they have free after forming a new government every day.

The scary thing about this is that Hall used to be a high school teacher. I know that elderly teachers sometimes fall behind on their science, but they really shouldn't fall 500 years behind. I mean, even some of the tribal regions of Pakistan have already grudgingly approved of 200-year-old science, and unlike them, Mr. Hall lives in a civilized country with indoor plumbing.

I am starting to suspect that we have outsourced running the Georgian evolution to the more backward regions of Malawi, or to UN bureaucracy. Jews would have done a better job. Hell, there is a green hairy thing in my fridge that would have done a better job.

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