Towards greater understanding

This poem has been inspired by Towards Greater Understanding – Meeting The Needs of Muslim Pupils In State Schools, a report by Muslim Council of Britain.

Islam attaches great importance
To our children's education
And if you Kuffar don't believe us
Just look at any Muslim nation.

Islam will put a happy ending
To failure, crime and disaffection,
And to promote the understanding
You need to follow these directions.

All schools should offer halal food,
All cooks should learn about Islam,
And the utensils never should
Be used for anything haram.

You should provide the prayer rooms,
A place to wash before the prayer,
One room for girls and one for boys,
As you should also be aware.

Don't have exams on Ramadan,
Don't schedule swimming, vaccinations,
No parents' evenings and no dance,
And please avoid sex education.

The locker rooms are un-Islamic
Even with genders separated,
And contact sports downright satanic
And should be promptly segregated.

Don't force the Muslim kids to shower,
There might be naked people there,
Islam prohibits being naked,
To make them shower is unfair.

When segregating swimming classes
Provide them with same-gender teachers
Let Muslim swimmers cover asses
With leggings, leotards and breeches.

When teaching them sex education
Don't speak of condoms, sex or pills,
Avoid all graphic presentations
Don't teach them any useful skills.

Since many Muslims think that music
Is sort of an abomination
It can be handily replaced
By a Koranic recitation.

Now that you've heard Islamic guidelines,
We have one more thing to remind:
Islam is not just for the Muslims
It is for all the humankind.