Monday, April 26, 2004

Battle cries

Rhia found an addictive toy: a battle cry generator.

Hark! Who is that, striding along the freeway! It is VERA, hands clutching a piece of chainlink fence! She roars thunderously:

"I'm going to fuck you until you are unable to sit properly!!"

And then I decided to try to find out the battle cries of our (US) leaders and presidential candidates:

Skulking through the fields, cutting down all who dare stand in the way using a mighty sword, cometh George W Bush! And he gives a bloodthirsty cry:

"In the name of malice, I slice through beating hearts like a mad dog who can only get madder!!"

Who is that, stalking amidst the freeway! It is John Kerry, hands clutching a bladed baseball bat! And with an ominous howl, his voice cometh:

"I'm going to pummel you until your mom feels it in her womb, and plug you into a power plant!!!"

Striding across the candy store, attacking with a meaty axe, cometh Ralph Nader! And he gives a low bellow:

"I'm going to fuck you so heinously, your screams will shatter lightbulbs world-wide!"

Yea, verily: Who is that, prowling on the icy wasteland! It is John Ashcroft, hands clutching a burning branch! He bellows vengefully:

"Hail the blood-letting! I carve into flesh until my glands are satisfied!!!"

Lo! Who is that, sprinting across the candy store! It is Mitt Romney, hands clutching a thorned whip! He cries homicidally:

"I'm going to turn you into part of my balanced breakfast!!!"

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