The out-of-context imam song

Don't judge this harshly, I was fairly drunk when I wrote it. Supposed to be sung to the tune of West Side Story's "Gee, officer Krupke".

ADDED LATER: Now available as an actual song by artists who'd like to be known as Howling Iman and the Headless Kuffar.


IMAMS

Dear kindly Western people,
You gotta understand -
It's lack of understanding
That gets us out outta hand.
You quote us out of context
When we say "kill kuffaar!"
That's why, of course, we blow up a subway car.

Gee, infidel swine, we are very upset;
We never have respect that an
Imam oughta get.
We ain't no extremists,
We're misunderstood.
We are fully moderate and good!
We are good!
We are good, we are good,
We are totally good.
We are multiculturally good.

ABU LABAN

Dear kindly Western people,
You have yourselves to blame:
You drew cartoons of Prophet
Without a trace of shame.
And then twelve evil pictures
Did not incite enough.
So we added three more
To make the things more rough.

AHMED AKKARI

Dear kindly Danish people,
Please don't misunderstand:
When Israel is bombing
And shit has hit the fan
Please give me your protection
Under the red-and-white -
Oh shit, I burned all your flags
I found the other night.

OMAR BAKRI MOHAMMED

My dear fellow clerics,
Try to avoid the worst:
Before inciting murder,
Get citizenship first.
I said the subway bombings
Were very, very cute.
Holy shit - now my ass is in Beirut!

ABU USAMAH

All women are dumb bitches,
Avoid them if you can,
Because they have some hormones
Unlike the real men.
You also should kill faggots
And former Muslims too,
But stay away from pigs
Because a pig might be a Jew!

GREEN LANE MOSQUE CHOIR

My dear British people,
Don't blame us for this shit,
We are completely blameless when
The preacher is a twit.
He only preaches here,
Has naught to do with us,
And he hasn't even
Blown up a single bus!

He's taken out of context,
He wasn't preaching hate,
He only meant that gays should
Be killed in Muslim states.
Don't kill the gays in Britain
Or even apostates -
Instead let's work on making
UK a Muslim state.

You damn Channel 4, we are very upset;
You don't give us the context a
Good mosque oughta get.
We ain't no extremists,
We're misunderstood.
We are fully moderate and good!
We are good!
We are good, we are good,
We are totally good.
We are multiculturally good.

SHEIKH AL-HILALI

My dear Muslim children,
It sucks to be alive.
I'd love to be a martyr,
But now I'm sixty-five.
Please meet Allah before me
As quickly as you can.
Only by exploding
You become a real man.

Australians are awful,
Let's tell it to the news:
Their ancestors are convicts
And some are even Jews.
Their women do not wear
A burqa at the beach.
And they print out of context
Most everything I preach.

IMAM CHOIR

You fucking kuffaar, we are very upset;
You don't give us the context a
Good imam oughta get.
We ain't no extremists,
We're misunderstood.
We are fully moderate and good!
We are good!
We are good, we are good,
We are totally good.
We are multiculturally good.