Tuesday, September 14, 2004


Anu and Kristiina came over, and we discussed male beauty in great detail. Good thing there were no men listening, although after such discussions I always feel a little bit sorry that the men whom we are discussing in the positive light cannot hear us.

It feels somewhat politically incorrect to praise men's looks publicly, at least if I am talking about men I know and not about movie stars and suchlike. I am not sure why. Maybe it has something to do with the potential of being interpreted as actively wanting or trying to have sex with them. At least it does not feel particularly incorrect to praise the looks of men that I really am having sex with. (But don't get any ideas when I mention that somebody looks good, sometimes I just say it even though it feels incorrect to me.)

At some point in the evening Kristiina got depressed, and then also got upset about being depressed, as opposed to being cheerful like she apparently intended to. Kristiina is suffering from human condition, literally. The world is bad in many ways and we all try not to think about the bad parts most of the time, but somehow she does not manage to avoid thinking about them. I sort of understand the feeling - sometimes I have a bad day and spend a few hours crying about some badness in the world (my favorite topic for pointless crying is the general fact of human mortality) but tomorrow there is a new day and I shlep off to work thinking about frogs, processors, tea, men's cheekbones, vacations, hiragana or some other thing that makes me forget about death for a while. I think with Kristiina the problem is not as much mortality as the meaning of life, which she wants to find but cannot. I wish I could say something that'd make her feel better, but I know bugger all about the meaning of life, and in general have been happier since I gave up looking for it, which probably wouldn't work for Kristiina.

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