Troy (spoilers)

Went to see Troy last night, even though almost everyone said it was bad.

Homer is probably turning around in his grave, but I was entertained anyway. OTOH I was easy to entertain in that particular moment: just show me some scantily clad men with big swords, and I am happy. OK, the men's skirts were a bit too long for my taste. There was no particularly impressive swordfighting, but they made up for quality by quantity, and it was fun anyway. Halfway through their fighting I started wishing Jet Li and Donnie Yen were there, but unfortunately the political correctness and the artistic license did not go far enough to have Chinese Greek warriors.

Brad Pitt and Eric Bana were quite tolerable as Achilles and Hector, and Orlando Bloom was absolutely awful as Paris. Of all the cast I liked the most Boromir (oops, I meant Sean Bean) as Odysseus. Pitt has grown himself such big muscles that I half-expected him to start speaking with an Austrian accent.

They took a whole lot of artistic license with the plot, so even those who really remember the Iliad should watch out for spoilers.

The movie does not make quite clear why Achilles is such a great warrior. When he lands on the beach with his elite special force of 50 people, they take about 20% loss within the first several seconds, and Achilles behaves as if it's normal although these are supposed to be the men who spend their whole lives fighting together with him. In general, all the beach landing by Greeks and fire by Trojans scene was very appropriate for watching on the D-day anniversary.

Now I am waiting for the sequel: Odysseus trying to sail home without GPS. They can make audacious changes here too: have him actually sail home with GPS, get home early, find Penelope having sex with some minor gods played by Jet Li and Donnie Yen and have them fight Odysseus's men for the rest of the movie.