One-way Masspike, our terrible weapon in the war on terrorism

The fearless leaders of the Boston Emergency Management Agency have in their infinite wisdom decided that in case of a major terrorist attack on Boston they will turn Masspike into a one-way westbound highway from downtown Boston to route 128.

For those who don't know, Masspike is a big east/westbound highway (more properly, the big highway) into and out of Boston. It can't handle the traffic on a perfectly normal workday. Or rather, it can, but the people in the cars cannot. I used to drive there against the traffic every day, since most people live in the suburbs and commute to Boston and I lived in Boston and commuted to the suburbs. There was an inbound traffic jam from route 128 to Framingham there every day, and that's at 10 am and not during the worst rush hour. On Friday afternoons there was usually traffic (of the standing kind, not of the moving kind) outbound all the way from route 128 to route 495, and that's about 35-40 kilometers.

What they are suggesting now is to open all lanes westbound till route 128. But what then? There are jams on the exits to 128 as it is - do they expect those cars to add to the jams or to magically disappear into the thin air? Have these people ever tried to drive from Downtown Boston to, say, Natick Mall at 4pm on Friday?

Mind you, those are the same people who still haven't figured out how to cope with the terrifying and totally unexpected emergency of having snowfall each year.

But not to worry - Masspike is indeed our weapon in the war against terrorism. No terrorist is ever going to attack the city if he or she knows that the only route to escape will be Masspike. Even suicide terrorists just might kill themselves in the car out of sheer frustration before ever getting to Boston.