The no-fly lists

The no-fly lists are a total idiotism (as opposed to check-those-people-especially list). I understand that some people are very suspicious and should be checked thoroughly, but hey, after you went through every item in their luggage and gave them a cavity search, wouldn't even Bin Laden be fairly safe to fly with? What is he gonna do, crash the plane with the power of prayer, or fart toxic fumes? (Hmm, how is that for the Cypriot plane disaster conspiracy theory?)

Very few people in the world are as dangerous as to pose a threat to aviation even after a thorough search. If somebody is a known terrorist, just arrest the fucker. God knows you don't need evidence or probable cause anymore. If somebody just has the same name as a known terrorist, just search them properly and let them onboard.

The list is supposed to contain names, dates of birth, nationalities and passport numbers. Problem is, the Transportation Security Administration compiled the list with the normal federal government accuracy, which means that a lot of data is missing. So for the most part it's just the real and fake names of known terrorists. And the fuckers have been so inconsiderate as to use most common Arabic names and some common non-Arabic ones.

The latest idiocy has been trying to ban babies from flying because their names appear on the list. I know that Hamas has used teenage suicide bombers a number of times, but isn't a 10-month-old a bit too young?

The terrorists probably use new names instead of recycling the old ones, and in the meanwhile perfectly good citizens are barred from flying and have a hell of a difficult time removing their names from the list.

Even the Congress and Senate are not immune. Some of their members found themselves on the list. Some terrorist with a sense of humor has used the name T. Kennedy, and they tried to prevent Senator Edward (Ted) Kennedy from boarding five times. Do those morons have any idea how common the name Kennedy is? (It is the 137th most common name in the US and 0.067% of population has it, which makes about 200 000 people.)

Come on, people. The Congress might be the opposite of progress, but I don't think anyone in the House or Senate is a terrorist or a threat to aviation. Not even Darrell Issa. At most our elected officials just drive drunk and embezzle taxpayer money.

And what, pray tell, are people supposed to do if they are barred from flying? Walk? Swim? What happens if their name gets on the list while they are traveling somewhere, how are they supposed to get home? I can almost see a scenario: an honest citizen Muhammed Ibrahim comes from his native Camelfuckistan to visit his relatives in America. On his way back he is stopped from boarding the plane because his name is similar to one of the 100 names used by the notorious terrorist Al-Zawahiri. He asks "but how do I get home?". TSA answers: "not our problem". The next day, while he is still trying to figure out the details of booking a plane ticket from Canada and actually getting there, the USCIS arrests him for overstaying his visa. "But they did not let me go home yesterday!" - "Not our problem."

If any terrorist happens to read this: can you please use the name George W. Bush the next time you are in the US? The whole nation will have a lot of fun when they don't let Dubya into Air Force One on account of his being a threat to aviation and national security. Air Force One is a military airplane and is therefore probably not covered by the TSA rules, but hey, a girl can dream.