Thursday, March 15, 2007

The World Jewish Conspiracy

I've heard so much talk of the World Jewish Conspiracy that I decided to establish it. With myself as the Grand Master, or course. It will be officially established as soon as I design the membership cards and the webpage.

Membership will be open to both Jews and goyim. Circumcision is not necessary, but there will be an unspeakably difficult membership test involving eating a piece of gefilte fish, baking hamantaschen and an interview with a Jewish grandmother. For people unwilling or unable to take the test, or situations where the test materials (e.g. Jewish grandmothers) are not available, their will be an alternative way of joining: donate a beer to the Conspiracy (wine and chocolate will be accepted too).

The World Jewish Conspiracy will start with two very important campaigns:

1. Vowels for Israel

We will collect vowels for the benefit of the state of Israel and Hebrew-speaking Jews elsewhere. The state of Israel is the historical continuation of the kingdoms of Israel and Judah, which were established almost 3000 years ago. 3000 years, and the fuckers still cannot figure out how to write vowels properly. We gotta help them.

The people of Israel are suffering without vowels! The readers there have to scratch their heads and try to guess what the hell the writers meant! Generations of Israeli schoolchildren have been struggling with orthography! Think about the children!

Especially people from the nations rich in vowels, such as Finland, shouldbe encouraged to donate generously.

Naturally, we won't give a single vowel to the Arabs. Let the World Muslim Conspiracy take care of their own.

2. We demand our fish back!

What has once been Jewish must be Jewish forever. Especially the fish. Several years ago some antisemites decided to deprive our people of the fish that has rightfully belonged to us since times immemorial and renamed jewfish into goliath grouper. We want our fish back! We are going to campaign to restore the proper world order and the balance of the Force and rename the so-called goliath grouper back into jewfish.

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