Thursday, February 10, 2005

In the news

Kim Jong Il has declared that he has nuclear weapons. Doesn't he remember what happened to the last guy who was only suspected of having weapons of mass destruction? Granted, he does not have oil or anything else useful so he is a lot less likely to get attacked.

Iraqi islamic terrorists have decided to fight Western haircuts and beardcuts too. Unlike the great North Korean leadership, who took the systematic approach of declaring a few haircuts acceptable for men, and then chasing the unarmed owners of the wrong haircuts with TV cameras, the islamic terrorists took the approach of cutting the problem, so to say, at the root by killing the barbers who provide such unislamic haircuts or shave beards. This approach undoubtedly has the advantage in that a barber is just a barber whereas a random owner of a wrongful haircut might just turn out to be another terrorist, and an armed one at that.

Islamic terrorists, meet Kim Jong Il. Kim Jong Il, meet islamic terrorists. Iraqi men, please learn to shave your beards yourselves before the terrorists kill every single barber in the country, whereupon you will turn into a nation of Chewbaccas and all that hair will suck all the nutrients out of your brains according to the Professor Kim Jong Il.

(Hmm, if that barber killing continues, could one make a fortune by selling truckloads of ponytail scrunchies to Iraqi men?)

Iranian President Mohammad Khatami has said that any invaders will face a burning hell. Big fucking news. We all know that the place has been a burning hell since 1979.


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