The funeral

The funeral was on Saturday. It was the first Christian funeral that I'd ever been to, and a lot of things were new to me, but it somehow doesn't feel right to go into details now. Maybe later.

One thing I wonder about, though, is the religion and how it fits into all this. Friends told me that Lutheran funerals generally contain a lot of talk about god. Merciful god, no less.

I am not a Christian, and not a very good Jew, either. Probably I don't understand something about religion, or maybe even anything. But can anyone explain to me how the concept of a merciful god fits in with a 26-year-old person suddenly dying just like that and leaving her husband and parents and friends behind? Or anyone dying, for that matter? I mean, I understand that some people want to believe in a merciful god in general, but aren't funerals as such a pretty obvious evidence that god/gods, if exist, are not particularly merciful?

I am glad I don't really believe in a god, but if I did the prayer would sound like that:

"Dear Lord,

If you are so fucking merciful then put Chuan back here where she belongs right now, alive and well with her family and friends. While you are at it I have a long list of other people who should be made alive and well again, too.

If you don't give her back to us, then I am coming to the day of final judgement with a baseball bat, and then we'll see about mercy."