Friday, April 30, 2004

In the news

U.S. State Depratment's report on patterns of global terrorism in 2003 is finally here. No time to read it all today, though. But they say that terrorism is down from the year before. Could it be that the war on terrorism is working?

President Tarja Halonen is going to sign the new Alien law today. I mean, she does not really 100% have to but I am sure she will. Good thing, too, at least mostly.

Valtioneuvosto says that the prices of residence permits will stay the same, and then says in the same article "Suomessa haettuna ensimmäinen oleskelulupa maksaa 170 euroa ja työntekijän oleskelulupa 304 euroa . Työntekijän oleskeluluvan maksu vastaa aikaisempien oleskeluluvan ja työluvan yhteenlaskettua maksua. " Aarrgghh! The residence and work permits for foreign workers put together were 140 or 141 euros last year! I hope they mean "worker's first residence permit" or something like that, because it's no fun to pay 304 euros for renewal.

Grandpa and Vienna

When my grandpa marched into Vienna with Russian troops (or rather as a part of Russian troops) in 1945, he looked around and said: "It's so nice here, I wonder why the fuck they tried to occupy our shithole of a country?". At least that's what he told me later - knowing the spirit of those times and the spirit of my grandpa, I am quite sure he said that somewhere where nobody could hear.

He occupied Vienna for a short time again in 1988 as a refugee. On our second day there we all walked out of the place where we were staying to find a grocery store. Grandpa decided that the best way to find it is to ask the locals, and was not bothered at all by the absence of any common language. He would grab the people by the collar, wave his cane at them and ask in broken German: "Russische spräch?" People ran away in terror, and I felt sorry for them.

For some reason beautiful spring mornings always remind me of Vienna.

Thursday, April 29, 2004


It's finally almost here and I would enjoy it if not for work stress. If I drink enough I will enjoy it regardless.

Every Vappu (at least every Vappu for the last few years, when I have spent it at various parties) I feel a vague dissatisfaction about not hanging out in downtown Helsinki and not going to look at Manta. This is somehow a thing that I should do at Vappu, and if I didn't then I missed it. This feeling is not relieved by the fact that I enjoy parties a lot more than I enjoy watching students put a hat on Manta.

Work stress

Was working too much this week (have some bugs to fix by a deadline that is coming up soon) and am now fairly stressed out, especially since Vappu is coming up so cannot really even work all weekend, or don't want to anyway. Maybe will work on Sunday.

Sex is a great stress reliever, but there was not nearly enough of it. All Killeri's fault, he went home fairly early because Jero was waiting for him there with his paws crossed. The evil man cowardly ran away instead of performing his boyfriendly duties until I am not stressed anymore. OTOH, we all know that if poor Jero lays a steaming log on Killeri's floor I will be here pretending to be sweet and innocent and Killeri will be there and will have to take care of the shit. Besides, I don't think there is any man in the universe who can fuck enough times in a row to completely counter the horrors of debugging software that contains JFreeChart. In fact, I am not sure even a woman (myself included) can have sex that many times in a row.

Hmm, Maimonides has written instructions on how often men of different professions have to satisfy their wives. I wonder in which category he would have put software engineers if such existed at the time, and whether men who volunteeer for Red Cross would get the same kind of waiver as the ones who devote their time to the study of Torah.

A drink would probably do me good, but between the drinking on Tuesday and Vappu I don't really feel like it.

I really should be working now, but don't feel like it either.


There was a thread about Linkola on one web forum today. I perked up, hoping for an obituary, but no such luck. Bummer.

Unchristian feeling, I know. (Sounds funny when I say it since obviously am not a Christian, and of course the sentiment in question is a bit unbecoming for a good Jew as well, but "unjewish" does not have quite the same ring to it, rather makes me think of unkosher food.) But I am generally pissed off by people who think that humankind is a cancer on the face of sweet and innocent earth, most especially by the ones who demand the the cancer be eliminated by killing the people who are already living, as opposed to just using birth control, and even more than that by the ones who demand killing more and more people, never include themselves in the number of ones who should be killed, and in addition to that have children. I have no idea how a person who keeps cheering every time someone dies because he thinks there are too many people actually dares to make two more with his very own dick.

Usually such people live very far from the areas of various natural disasters and cheer very loudly when a natural disaster strikes somewhere else with as many casualties as possible. They also tend to live far away from areas of famine and cheer when somebody starves in Africa. As the 9/11 experience has shown, if a disaster strikes their own country the people with such worldview do not usually cheer much, although whether it is because the disaster has struck too close to home or for fear of the disapproval of their fellow citizens I do not know.

I think there should be a very special circle of hell for people like Linkola, a sort of endless seminar where they are forced to read and analyze every line of each other's writings, and where all the victims of natural and unnatural disasters get to beat them up with an ecologically incorrect item of their choice.

Wednesday, April 28, 2004


Orava and Ville write about the impossibility of serious discussion of drugs due to the extremism and ill-informedness of the participants. Hmm, does not pretty much every controversial subject have this problem?

One of the problems of discussion on drugs in particular is that it is often considered socially unacceptable and sometimes illegal to admit having had any personal experience with the subject. If I had ever tried any illegal drugs I would naturally not mention it here.

Cannabis are mostly OK, I think, except for two things: I disapprove of cannabis in smoking form much in the same way and for the same reasons I disapprove of tobacco, and have no wish to see (or rather smell) people smoking it in enclosed public places, and the other thing is that cannabis tend to impair people's ability to drive much more than alcohol (that's an empirical observation), so if cannabis were to be legalized some serious safeguards to prevent people from driving stoned will be needed. But in the end I don't care much either way.

What is really stupid is that because of the fact that cannabis are recreational drugs people (at least in the US) are prevented from using it for legitimate medical reasons, such as countering some effects of chemotherapy and reducing eye pressure in glaucoma patients.

I must admit that I might have also had some kind of a knee-jerk reaction at the thought of a "zero tolerance" event. That's because in my mind it associates quite strongly with the "zero tolerance" programs in American schools where they finally went after the kids who bring over-the-counter medicine like ibuprofen to school. Even though I do in fact realize that the organizers of Ropecon are highly unlikely to chase all the evil ibuprofen users around.


Had a very nice evening with Anu and Elaine yesterday, but was feeling a bit unwell in the morning. At first I did not realize what my problem was - I did not drink more than I usually would during such an event - but then I figured out that I went through the regular amount of alcohol in half the regular time. Well, that explains it.

I the morning I was in a condition that can only be healed by raw herring and strawberries with cream, so went to work through Hakaniemen tori to get these, except the cream since am in no condition to whip it by hand. Hakaniemen tori is good for you, or in any case good for me. The smell of a large amount an variety or raw fish excites me in many ways (yes, including sexual - insert your favorite lesbian joke here if you wish) and tends to heal minor effects of alcohol poisoning.

Now feeling a bit better after a raw herring (it's delicious, try it if you haven't) a cup of tea and half a liter of strawberries. Can actually do work.

My muscles are kind of sore too, but I don't think alcohol is at fault. Too much exercise yesterday.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Too much work

Got my ass kicked in Krav Maga in the morning, and now am getting fucked in every hole at work. Not that anything in particular is wrong, it's just that there is a million things to do and they come at me faster than I can do them. Oh well, at least I am getting a fair lot done. But I am tired and need a drink.

Not in a bad mood though: had a very nice though not particularly relaxing weekend, even made it to Joy and Krabak's place at some point and ate all their spring rolls, and today found and fixed a big bug that I was wondering about for a long time now, so feel like a winner. A somewhat tired winner in need of a drink and good company, both of which are scheduled for tonight.

In the world there is business as usual: Al-Qaeda threatening Saudi Arabia and planning chemical attack on Jordan. Ugh. Suddenly I feel sorry for them: they can't even do terrorist profiling since all the normal people there are also Arabs. But they seem to manage somehow: Jordanians did stop that chemical attack.

Our new friend Murr-Murr is visiting in Brussels.

The people who took Italian hostages in Iraq threaten to kill the hostages unless Italians demonstrate against war. Gee, and I though it was bad when our teachers threatened us with bad grades if we don't go to the 1st of May demonstration.

Monday, April 26, 2004

Bad guys need battle cries too

Rampaging across the tarmac, clutching a studded crowbar, cometh Osama Bin Laden! And he gives a mighty bellow:

"Vengeance and goo flow from my veins! I destroy all in my path with God on my side!!"

Lo! Who is that, rampaging across the mountains! It is Saddam Hussein, hands clutching an oversized scalpel! And with a low roar, his voice cometh:

"I'm going to fuck you past the point of no return!!"

Hark! Who is that, sprinting on the terrain! It is Kim Jong Il, hands clutching a studded crowbar! He grunts ominously:

"I'm going to brutalize you backwards in time, and dip you in uranium!"

Who is that, skulking across the candy store! It is Alexander Lukashenka, hands clutching a jeweled meat hammer! He cries mightily:

"By Odin's mighty spear, I sow darkness and discord like the world's mightiest bad-ass!"

Last names revisited

Isosisko writes about changing last names when getting married:

"Miksi miehet ottavat vaimonsa sukunimen harvemmin kuin naiset miehen sukunimen? Miksi kukaan ylipäätään vaihtaa sukunimeään avioituessaan?" ("Why do men take their wife's name less often than women take their husband's name? Why does anyone change theis last name at all when they get married?")

The answers are:

1. The custom of the husband taking the wife's name has not caught on much for precisely the same reason why the custom of the wife taking the husband's name would not have caught on if it had appeared just now: there is not much use in name change unless such change has some emotional value for the person doing the changing.

2. Beats me: probably some quaint local custom. :)

Not coming from a background where women changed their names, it has never been an issue to me - I'd never even consider changing my last name. When I first heard (sometime in 1993) that until 1986 Finland had a law requiring women to change their last name when getting married it had a considerble shock value to me - much like if somebody had told me that until 1986 Finns lived in caves and had no indoor plumbing or electricity.

North Korea

161 dead, about 1300 wounded, and they don't let aid transports from South Korea through to the north.

The trains were carrying ammonium nitrate. Am I just imagining things, or has North Korea just lost its year's supply of rocket fuel oxidizer? Somebody who knows more about chemistry can enlighten me.

Battle cries

Rhia found an addictive toy: a battle cry generator.

Hark! Who is that, striding along the freeway! It is VERA, hands clutching a piece of chainlink fence! She roars thunderously:

"I'm going to fuck you until you are unable to sit properly!!"

And then I decided to try to find out the battle cries of our (US) leaders and presidential candidates:

Skulking through the fields, cutting down all who dare stand in the way using a mighty sword, cometh George W Bush! And he gives a bloodthirsty cry:

"In the name of malice, I slice through beating hearts like a mad dog who can only get madder!!"

Who is that, stalking amidst the freeway! It is John Kerry, hands clutching a bladed baseball bat! And with an ominous howl, his voice cometh:

"I'm going to pummel you until your mom feels it in her womb, and plug you into a power plant!!!"

Striding across the candy store, attacking with a meaty axe, cometh Ralph Nader! And he gives a low bellow:

"I'm going to fuck you so heinously, your screams will shatter lightbulbs world-wide!"

Yea, verily: Who is that, prowling on the icy wasteland! It is John Ashcroft, hands clutching a burning branch! He bellows vengefully:

"Hail the blood-letting! I carve into flesh until my glands are satisfied!!!"

Lo! Who is that, sprinting across the candy store! It is Mitt Romney, hands clutching a thorned whip! He cries homicidally:

"I'm going to turn you into part of my balanced breakfast!!!"

The previous entry

In case anybody is imagining anything else: my previous entry is, exceptionally, an attempt at fiction. It's just a story. If the characters remind you of anyone you met in real life, especially any of my relatives, you are definitely imagining things.

Sunday, April 25, 2004

Бася Моисеевна

У Баси Моисеевны заболел живот. Оно, конечно, дело обычное, но по большей части живот, который болел у Баси Моисеевны, принадлежал кому-то другому. В молодости Бася всегда рассказывала своим детям, что у них болит живот, что те воспринимали как коварный план не покупать им мороженого, так как живот у них, собственно говоря, никогда не болел. С детей она плавно перешла на внуков, поскольку внуки завелись трудами дочери Сары ещё до того, как сын Давид переехал жить отдельно от родителей.

Внуки подросли и не только злобно отказывались от Басиного лечения, но и не давали ей нянчить правнуков. Правнуки росли невоспитанные, и, глядя на внуков, Бася не без основания думала, что яблоко от яблони недалеко падает. Вместо того, чтобы изучать что-нибудь полезное или заниматься физкультурой, внуки всё время читали какие-то книжки и играли в футбол.

Когда внуки выросли и больше не поддавались лечению, на выручку пришел муж. Исаак Абрамович, муж Баси, добровольно сдался на роль больного животом, отчасти для поддержки душевного спокойствия жены, но в основном потому, что ему нравился тот компот из чернослива, который Бася варила и использовала в качестве главного лекарства от живота. Исаак, однако, как это иногда бывает, скончался раньше Баси и оставил её наедине с жестоким миром, который никак не соглашался болеть запором или на худой конец поносом. После этого у самой Баси стал побаливать живот.

Не то что бы Бася была слабоумным симулянтом. У неё действительно всегда слегка не хватало в кишечнике энзим, нужных для переваривания молочных продуктов. В молодости она этого не замечала, но под старость нехватка слегка усилилась и после творога со сметаной Бася действительно чувствовала некоторое жжение и давление в животе, которое она немедленно принимала за рак. От волнения боли усиливались, отчего она начинала ещё больше волноваться.

На этот раз живот прихватило сильнее, чем обычно, и Бася приказала врачам найти рак или какую-нибудь другую устрашающую болезнь немедленно. Врачи очень старались, но никак не могли найти ничего, кроме газов.

Сара и Давид сидели у постели больной, каждый молчаливо обдумывая её лечение. Сара видела, что мать в депрессии, и думала о том, как бы уговорить её принимать антидепрессанты. Давид мечтательно вспоминал методы, которые врачи в Австро-Венгерской военной больнице применяли к солдату Швейку. Между тем Бася рассказывала им, что врачи в Америке плохие и ничего не понимают, что у неё явно рак, что друзья - это пустое, что ей очень одиноко, что в газетах пишут одни сплошные глупости, и их-то слишком мало, и что Сара и Давид, равно как всё их потомство, живут неправильно. Дети привычно кивали. Иногда Бася с ловкостью профессионального ниндзя протягивала свою клюку и ловила ей зазевавшуюся медсестру или врача, приказывая Саре и Давиду допросить, как идёт поиск страшной болезни. Те очень стеснялись, и Бася с огорчением всё больше и больше понимала, что искусство допроса с пристрастием не входит в таланты её детей.

К вечеру ей повезло: удалось изловить настоящего живого переводчика и в течение всего двух часов объяснить ей, что диагноз и лечение необходимы, и немедленно. Переводчица обещала, что всё будет сделано, и Бася с некоторым сожалением отцепила её от клюки.

Через полчаса в палату с улыбкой и пятилитровой клизмой вошла медсестра. Её улыбка показалась им всем чем-то знакомой, но только Саре удалось вспомнить, откуда: из популярной телепередачи "В мире акул". При том, что в передаче при улыбке был обычно ещё и плавник, Сара не поделилась наблюдением с матерью и братом. "Повернитесь-ка на живот," сказала медсестра. Бася надела очки и важно посмотрела на медсестру. Увидев размер клизмы, она вскрикнула, соскочила с постели, оттолкнула медсестру клюкой и ринулась наутёк из больницы, хотя никто кроме Сары и Давида за ней, собственно, не гнался. Дети с трудом поспевали за ней, но на бегу Давид успел победоносно подумать о триумфе Австро-Венгерской медицины.

Saturday, April 24, 2004

Nostalgic about

In 1994 was an awfully amusing newsgroup. It's really too bad that Google has preserved almost no archives for it from that time.

Mostly it was full of AOLers who all declared that they are all also over 21 and they also want the video. I assume that it started with somebody promising somebody else some porn video if the recipient happens to be over 21, but I have never seen the original message, it was just an endless thread of responses of the "my name is Silly Bugger, I am also over 21, please send me the video" kind.

Besides AOLers there was a bunch of Finns who were making fun of them, sometimes in English but mostly in Finnish. AOLers sometimes wondered about being unable to read Finnish text even with rot13. At some point somebody caught on that it was a foreign language and asked Finns to stop writing in Finnish. Such request, of course, elicited a lot of richly deserved bilingual abuse, and the clueless newbie was explained certain facts of life, for example that finet.* is a Finnish hierarchy. His or her response was that is just a sex newsgroup (I assume the wretched creature meant "english-language sex newsgroup") that got placed into a Finnish newsgroup hierarchy by mistake, which of course caused a new round of abuse.

The best moment was in the end of the year, when some unusually bright AOLer from California finally realized that it is indeed a Finnish newsgroup, and wrote an article about how much he loves Finnish women. Especially Pekka Mäkinen. IIRC he even wrote a poem about beautiful Pekka. Much hilarity ensued. After being rejected by the beautiful Pekka the AOLer decided that his second choice of a Finnish woman was me, which also amused everybody present. I thanked him for his interest and told him that I see no point in arranging for sex with a man who lives in California when there are perfectly good men right here in Helsinki, and in general Finnish men are on average the world's prettiest. He greatly praised my patriotism, which caused the next round of giggles.

That was an age of innocence. Then came the age of spam, and every newsgroup with "sex" in its name became a wasteland of advertisement.

We apologize for the inconvenience.

Blogger's support people have responded to my complaint and said that this is a general problem with Mozilla-based browsers, and that they are working on it. I guess they'll get it fixed at some point, and till then - just reload the page, and I apologize for the inconvenience.

Friday, April 23, 2004

In the news

Police found more than 200 kg of explosives in Espoo near Vermo hippodrome. No idea yet as to who brought them there and why. Killeri goes there from time to time, and apparently that triggered in me the kind of protective rage that made me feel like disemboweling the guilty party/parties with my bare hands and strangling them slowly with their own bowels. (No, they don't teach us that in Krav Maga. I'd need at least a sharp implement to open their stomachs, and I am not sure whether it's possible to rip people's bowels out with one's bare hands either, but I can give it a good try, and bowels are probably long enough that you can strangle their owner with them without having to detach them... Hmm, maybe I'll leave the punishment to authorities just this time?)

A horrible train explosion in North Korea: so far 54 dead, about 1200 injured, 2000 homes destroyed and 6000 damaged. Apparently a train was carrying mining explosives, but no details are available yet. North Korea usually keeps its disasters secret, and probably would have now, too, except that it happened so close to Chinese border that you could possibly see it from China. China has offered to take the injured into Chinese hospitals, but North Korea proudly refused, which is, again, very familiar to me in an extremely antinostalgic way. Fucking commies.

Blogspot is broken?

Several people have told me lately that blogspot blogs in general and mine in particular look fucked up. if my blog looks fucked up to you, can you please send me a mail or a comment mentioning the time and the browser?

I read my own writings in Konqueror and sometimes in Mozilla, looks OK.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

Lies, damn lies and statistics

"Väestörekisterikeskuksen tilastojen mukaan viime vuonna lähes 18 prosenttia avioituneista piti oman sukunimensä. " ("According to the population register, almost 18% of people who got married last year kept their own last name.") Funny, I thought most of them did. Even when there used to be a law demanding that wives take husbands' names about 50% of the people getting married kept their own names. Now it's 59% then.

Yeah, of course I understand what they really meant and so does probably everyone else. But it makes me wonder how many statistical data that is not quite as obvious is presented in a similarly sloppy way.

Krav Maga

Finally dragged my ass there for the first time after the flu. I was really bad, but it was good to start training again. Most of the lesson was sparring, and Nina, with whom I sparred today, kicked my ass all the time, even though I managed to get a few kicks in, too. Having much longer arms and legs helps a lot even if the other person is a lot more skillful.

Nina says that when you kick a man (as opposed to a woman, she thinks) and punch him right in the moment when he is trying to block the kick, the punch will go through. The problem is, it works on me too even though am obviously not a man. I tried to do it on Nina, but don't have the skill of positioning myself right: I kick her and at the same moment notice that I should be punching her right now but am too far away.

Nina is a very good sparring partner, has a lot of good advice, which I am even mostly able to follow.

Boxing gloves have a way of making your hands smell like very old socks. Ugh.

Turns out that when you are testing for the third or fourth level (which means that the problem will not be current for me for at least a year) you get to spar for a few minutes with some really big guru. Scary. Guru will kick my very ungurulike ass.

Kill Bill (maybe little spoilers)

Went to see Kill Bill 1 and 2 yesterday with Leena. Now feel like jumping and waving my arms in the manner of a helicopter. Liked it very much, especially when watching two in a row.

The second half is different from the first in resembling Italian westerns more than Asian martial art movies. Since I have seen a lot fewer Italian westerns than Asian martial art movies I mostly could not quite figure out what they were paying homage to, but I came out of there with a desire to see some more Italian westerns (have I ever seen any westerns that weren't Italian?).

They recycled some actors from part 1 to play other parts in part 2, which was confusing for a few seconds, but it did not take long to figure out that they were just recycling actors and not trying to say that the characters were really the same.

Gonna watch it (part 2) again next week.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Assholes, assholes everywhere

A guy hit another guy on the head with an axe on a subway train. The guy was apparently fucked in the head. The attacker, I mean, although by now the victim probably is as well. A totally random attack. Ugh. And if I hadn't slept a bit late I would have had a chance to see it in person, too. See? Sleeping late saves you from psychological trauma.

Suicide bombers killed more than 60 Iraqis in Basra. They ought to have a special place in the desert where suicide bombers can blow themselves up without much trouble to innocent bystanders.

Another suicide bomber blew himself up in downtown Riyadh. Isn't Saudi Arabia the site of the holiest places in Islam, and can't the local religious authorities decide that the asshole suicide bombers, or at least the ones who blow themselves up in Saudi Arabia are not getting any virgins anywhere, or any sexual partners, for that matter? "If you blow yourself up in Saudi Arabia Allah himself will reach down and bite your genitals off with fiery teeth" or something like that? Especially since it's pretty close to what would actually happen, at least from the genitals' point of view.

The boss is not pointy-haired

After a particularly pathetic whine of mine the boss went and bought some tea. Good boss, not pointy-haired at all.

The cry of the soul

Evil, evil pointy-haired boss! Where is the tea?

Let's count other people's money

I don't usually like counting money in other people's pockets, but sometimes the temptation is a bit too much.

So: how much does a suburban imam earn in France? Is it really a lot of money, and if not, how did Mr. Bouziane (who, BTW, has already gotten deported) afford keeping 2 wives and 16 children? I assume the wives did not work because Bouziane preached against women working. He might, of course, have preached against women working outside home and for husbands beating wives while at the sime time being married to two well-earning women who in fact beat him, but I think it's unlikely. Such hypocrisy is more the manner of Christian celebrity fundies such as Randall Terry. Don't know about Jewish celebrity fundies because thank god there aren't many outside of Israel, but I suspect they are just as hypocritical as the Christian ones and are spending their time in bed with each other's wives while eating ham pizza.

One Jewish non-celebrity fundie whom I knew in person used to preach to us that one should never have sex with an infidel, let alone marry one. Her Catholic husband was always very amused by her preachings.

Holy shit (almost literally)

Abdelkader Bouziane, the imam of Vénissieux, a suburb of Lyon, is getting kicked out of France for preaching domestic violence. The man is Algerian and has lived in France since 1979. The accusation is "undermining the public order". Apart from saying that a man should be able to beat his wife he also says that the veil is obligatory, that polygamy should be legal, and that France should become an Islamic republic. His expulsion from France can be probably taken as France's expression of its total lack of desire to become an Islamic republic.

A family man, too. I wonder what his two wives and 16 children have to say about it.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Horny, sleepy and hungry

Feeling better now, but suddenly desperately horny (is anyone surprised?). And Killeri is, as usual, at some meeting, which significantly limits my possibilities of having my womanly way with him tonight. Of course a woman with two healthy hands does not really need a man to achieve an orgasm, but I still want Killeri. In bed. Now. For once instead of saving the world and training the dog he might rescue a horny girlfriend in distress. (Well, really he does, every once in a while when I have been a good girl, but on those evenings I am not at the computer to complain about horniness. So he is not really as much of a tease as one could think by reading this.) :)

Talking about sex: apparently Sin City on Annankatu got a new supply of AquaGlide. At least they looked very well-stocked today: large tubes, small tubes, anal version, etc.

Don't have any dinner, either, since cannot be bothered with skinning the Floridian ecological problem. Maybe will fry some bacon, but I have so little of it that you can't really call it dinner.

Fuck it. Gonna fry the bacon, make some tea and go to bed. Can't even drink rum toddy anymore since probably drank this year's quota in the last several days and it is coming out of my ears now.

Swamp eel

The ecological problem of Florida turned out to be not nearly as good as the regular eel, and quite impossible to skin while raw. Bummer. But it's edible.

Still sick

Did not go to work today either after spending most of the night up and coughing. But feeling much better.

Went for a walk to buy tissues, partially because of the suspicion that as soon as I buy them I won't need them anymore. Could have of course pretended to be very sick and asked Killeri to buy them for me and bring them here, but I think he would've figured out my cunning plan as soon as I would've experienced miraculous recovery and tried to drag him in the bed. Bummer.

Have some swamp eel (Monopterus albus) and trying to figure out how to cook it. Googling mostly brings up a lot of pages that tell me that the fish in question is a big ecological problem in Florida. If that is indeed the case, they can catch the eels, freeze them and send them to me. They are not going to be an ecological problem in my fridge. I think I'll cook them in sorrel sauce like any other eel.

About sorrel: Finns are infidels and don't eat it, which also means they don't sell it. (That's suolaheinä for you infidels). If not for the Russian store I'd have to live without. Sniff.

Attention all serious chocolate-lovers with financial means: Goldkenn is finally here. It's been around for years, in ferries' tax-frees and suchlike, but now Ekberg has got a very proper selection. They have gold bars (bars of very hazelnutty chocolate which is also very good, and considering that I normally strongly dislike hazelnuts in general and hazelnutty chololate in particular it's a fairly big thing of me to say), cigarettes (cigarette-shaped chocolates, somewhat overpriced), truffle bars and liquor-filled chocolate bars (kind of like the Lindt ones they sell in Stockmann, but much better).

Been reading Dershowitz's The Genesis of Justice, where he argues that various stories of injustice in the book of Genesis gave birth to the modern Western concept of morality. Not sure I agree, but it's an interesting book nevertheless.

On justice and religion: dear Lord, remember I asked you to smite the people who smoke on the stairs? Please! Please!

In the news

The world's largest democracy is having an election. So far only one killed and 13 wounded, which is nice because I expected worse.

Israel is unleashing Mordechai Vanunu, and at a politically inconvenient time, too. CNN says: "...the security services have barred Vanunu from speaking to foreigners, traveling abroad or even approaching foreign embassies for fear he might seek political asylum." This sounds hauntingly familiar to me, and in a definitely antinostalgic way. The prohibition to travel is only for a year and the other restrictions for 6 months, and they let Vanunu's parents, who are American, visit him, but still...

He is not allowed to participate in Internet chats, either, without prior permission. Inquiring minds want to know how do you enforce this in a place like Israel, and whether he is also forbidden from posting on Usenet and making a web page for himself.

Congo's (Kinshasa Congo, that's the one that is the democratic republic, as opposed to the other Congo which is just a republic) president Joseph Kabila is asking International Criminal Court to investigate war crimes in his country. Weren't most of them committed by his father Laurent Kabila?

Bush is increasing lead on Kerry. Ugh. Better to have a president who has two well thought-out opposing opinions on every issue than one who never thinks at all.

In my old hometown of Newton, the scary criminal strikes again:

"Parents of a 12-year-old girl called police on Sunday, April 4, at 1:05 p.m. after their daughter reportedly saw a naked man in the Bobby Braceland Park on Chestnut Street. The girl said she was walking her dog when she saw the nude man, with his back to her. The girl's mother said she saw a similar nude man in the park about three months earlier, but did not report it. Police searched the area for the 20- to 30-year-old white man, with an average build but did not find him." Damn, they did not find him in spite of this exact description!

Monday, April 19, 2004


Somebody attacked a dead policeman. Well, better than a live one, and safer too.

Markulle: Israel

Perkelen Markku ei ole vieläkään hankkinut mitään kommenttimahdollisuutta omaan blogiinsa, joten joudun kirjoittamaan tänne vastauksen sen viimeiseen postaukseen:

1. Tämä siis vielä sen lisäksi, että Israel kaikesta päätellen haluaa viedä palestiinalaisilta loputkin maat rakentamalla uudisasutuksia keskelle Länsirantaa.

Ei kyllä rakenna mikäli Sharon ei valehtele, vaan purkaa kaikki siirtokunnat paitsi viisi. (Givat Ze'ev, Gush Etzion, Maaleh Adumim, Ariel ja Kiryat Arba). Valehteleeko Sharon vai ei on taas ihan eri kysymys.

2. Toivon, että Yhdysvaltoihin saadaan sellainen hallitus, jolla on tarvittaessa poliittista tahtoa käyttää jyrkkää painostusta Israelia kohtaan, jotta se saadaan taipumaan siirtokuntien purkamiseen.

Epätodennäköistä, mutta sen sijaan sellainen hallitus voi sisäisen paineen alla syntyä Israelissa.

3. Itse asiassa Israelin itsenäisyyssodassa 1948 brittejä vastaan, juutalaiset itsenäisyystaistelijat käyttivät itse terrorismia aseenaan, joten palestiinalaisen terrorismin kauhistelussa on hieman tekopyhä sivumaku, kun kauhistelija on israelilainen.

Toki ovat käyttäneet, mutta tuskin tämä asia enää niitä tässä vaiheessa kiinnostaa.

4. Jos siitä seuraisi äärijuutalaista terrorismia USA:ta vastaan, olisi hyvin mielenkiintoista kuunnella millaisilla argumenteilla juutalaiset yrittäisivät oikeuttaa sitä.

Ei luultavasti minkäänlaisia. Vaikka Israelin perustamisessa on käytetty terrorismia ja vaikka israelilaiset vihaavat palestiinalaisia aika paljon, terrorismi on tällä hetkellä hyvin epäsuosittua niin Israelissa kuin Israelin ulkopuolisilla juutalaisilla. Kaksi olemassaolevaa juutalaista terroristijärjestöä, Kach ja Kachane Chai, pidetään terroristijärjestöinä niin Israelissa, EU:ssa kuin USA:ssakin, ja viime vuosikymmenen pahin juutalainen terroristi, Baruch Goldstein (29:n siviilin murhaaja), yleisesti pidetään terroristina ja Israel on kieltänyt sen hautamonumentin rakentamista ja hajoitti sen kun Kachin jäsenet rakensi sen silti.

5. Olen Veran kanssa täysin samaa mieltä Palestiinan valtio pitäisi perustaa ja kaikki siirtokunnat purkaa Länsirannalta (Gazassa niitä ei taida ollakaan).

En itse asiassa ole sitä mieltä että ne kaikki pitää purkaa vaan että ainakin kaksi niistä viidestä joita Israel aikoo pitää (Ariel ja Kiryat Arba) pitäisi purkaa, sen takia että nämä on kohtalaisen syvällä Länsirannassa ja niistä on hirveä riesa niin palestiinalaisille kuin luultavasti Israelillekin. En tiedä, miksi Sharon haluaa pitää niitä, mutten usko että kyse on maan omistamisesta. Ei Israel niin pahasta tilapuutteesta kärsi. Ainakin Kiryat Arban pitämiselle voisin arvata seuraavia mahdollisia syitä:

a. Se jätetään sinne arabien kiusaksi eli mahdollisena tulevana neuvottelukohteena.

b. Se on joku Israelin sisäpoliittinen juttu, eli joku hallitukseen kuuluva uskonnollinen puolue vaattii sitä.

c. Kiryat Arban väestö on pääaisiassa niin kamalia huligaaneja, ettei kukaan huoli niitä Israeliin. Se on siinänsä ihan ymmärrettävää, muuta tuskinpa mitään palestiinalaisten syytä. (Tai no itse asiassa se on osittain niiden palestiinalaisten syytä jotka on yrittäneet tappaa koko Hebronin juutalaisen seurakunnan vuonna 1929, ja karkoitti eloonjääneet, mutta nykyajan palestiinalaiset ovat selvästikin syyttömiä tähän rikokseen.)

Ja Gazassa on muuten nyt vielä siirtokuntia, jotka toivottavasti kohta puretaan.

6. Sharon on natsi.

Tuskinpa, enkä muutenkaan ymmärrä mitä muuta natsi voi oikeastaan tarkoittaa kuin vuosien 1933-1945 Saksan national-sosialisti tai sellaisten suora poliittinen jälkeläinen. Sharon ei ole natsi, eivätkä Hamasin terroristit, eikä edes Pol Pot vaikka se olikin kansanmurhassa tehokkaampi kuin oikeat natsit.

7. Silti näköjään varsin moni kannattaa Sharonin politiikkaa. Ei kai Sharon muuten vallassa pysyisi demokraattisessa maassa.

Toki. Ei tämänhetkinen Sharonin politiikka hirveäsi eroa muidenkaan Israelin pääministereiden poliitikasta (siirtokuntavalinta on vain hieman erilainen), ja tietenkin terrorismin aikana ihmiset haluavat politiikkoja jotka on tiukkoja terroristeille.

8. Jos tämä kuulostaa jostakusta armottomalta, niin miettikää, miten mikä tahansa maa suhtautuisi vieraan vallan sotilaalliseen maahantunkeutumiseen ja laittoman uudisastuksen perustamiseen omalle alueelleen ja kuinka väkivallattomiin vastatoimenpiteisiin sen voisi odottaa ryhtyvän.

Enpas muuten huomannut Suomen yrittävän saada Karjalan kannaksen takaisin terrorismilla, tai Puolan yrittävän saada entisen itäosansa takaisin, tai Saksan yrittävän saada sen osan vanhaa Saksaa joka on nyt Tsekkia...

9. On muuten aika halpamaista yrittää sekoittaa rasistinen antisemitismi Israelin politiikan arvostelemiseen.

Niin onkin, muuta olen nähnyt tämän paljon useammin Israelin vastustajilta kuin kannattajilta. Holocaust on tässä mielessä water under the bridge, molempien kannattaa jäättää sen rauhaan.

10. Juttu on nimittäin niin, että holokaustissa, niin hirvittävä asia kuin se olikin, ei ole mitään poikkeuksellista. Edes holokaustin mittakaava ja tehokkuus eivät ole ainutlaatuisia. Ruandassa tapettiin kymmenen vuotta sitten 800 000 tutsia viisi kertaa nopeammin kuin Natsi-Saksa tuhosi saman määrän juutalaisia. Maailmassa on tapettu sukupuuttoon tai vähintään samassa mittakaavassa monia muitakin kansoja holokaustista kuluneena noin 60 vuotena.

Joo ei. Luulen, että ainoa oikeasti erikoinen asia holocaustissa on se että se tapahtui viime vuosisadalla Euroopassa, ja osittain Länsi-Euroopassa. Kansamurhan nopeudella ja tehokkuudella Ruanda kyllä voittaa, ja laajamittaisuudella voittaja lienee Pol Pot.

Market value theory revisited

A few days ago Markku commented on my previous MVT posting, saying that "itsetunto" (which means "self-esteem" in Finnish, but is better translated as "self-confidence" in this particular context) is a positive market value factor in itself in the eyes of many women, since being popular with other women is also a positive market value factor in itself, and the lack of self-confidence is usually a mark of being unpopular with women since getting a lot of rejections causes a loss of self-confidence.

He is surely right about both self-confidence and popularity with other women being positive market value factors, but I am not nearly as sure about the connection. IME men who have the least self-confidence in approaching women have not normally experienced any rejections at all since they have never managed to bring themselves to actually proposition any women. Those of them who are sufficiently attractive and hang out with a lot of women often get women by the way of women propositioning them, but even the realization of being attractive and well-liked by women does not tend to cure their shyness much.

OTOH a lot of men who proposition women easily, aggressively and insistently make an impression that it has been a while since they have had a positive response. (I actually ask them about it nowadays, it they all claim to live in an unvoluntarily chaste way). IMO nothing screams "loser" as much as the guy who tries to pick me up in a street, gets rejected and tries to follow me for a half an hour explaining me why I was wrong to reject him, and I don't think I am alone in this opinion. (I wonder if it's a cultural difference - people who do that tend to be immigrants from Africa and sometimes Middle East, but I have asked a couple of guys whether this tactic works better on African women and they said it doesn't.)

And yet a lot of women like self-confidence (I mean in particularly self-confidence in approaching members of the desirable sex) and a lot of men do, too. But what the hell for? The obvious answer "so that their children are self-confident and liked by the prospective sex partner" is obviously circular. What is the practical value of the "pick-up self-confidence" in your partner, except of course not having to approach him/her yourself? Especially since "pick-up self-confidence" does not seem to correlate much with any other kind of self-confidence, for example professional self-confidence? Does "pick-up self-confidence" even exist except as an ability to put up a show of it? Is anyone ever really self-confident while propositioning a prospective partner? I remember putting on a semi-decent show of self-confidence many times when the situation really demanded it, but inside I was feeling rather shy and sheepish all the time as I was doing that.

Is the ability to put up a show valuable in itself? I don't think the ability to put up this particular show even correlates much with any other acting abilities.

Still sick

Did not go to work today, not so much because of being sick right now as because of being sleepy after being up all night. For some reason I tend to wake up from my own coughing, and can't fall back asleep for an hour or so. And then as soon as I fall asleep I wake up again. Ugh.

Sunday, April 18, 2004

Evil creatures

Killeri had a few hours free from his mysterious activities this afternoon, and we and Jero went to visit Laura and her fearsome beast, as well as other people in Talo.

Jero was so well-behaved that I felt very proud of him, which was weird since his good behavior was certainly no achievement of mine. Nelli, the fearsome beast first started emitting weird sounds and tried to hide herself under some bathroom appliance, but after a while came out, met Jero and started palying with him. I was apparently sitting in the place where they wanted to play, and had to protect my teacup from many assaults by the creatures. In the end I failed and Nelli stepped into the cup, but by that time the tea was safely gone.

I never knew that dogs punch each other with their front paws, but apparently they do. Nelli was the first animal ever that preferred me to Killeri, and incessantly tried to attack Jero from my lap. She looks like a toy, even from up close, but when she jumps in your lap you notice that she isn't. She also tends to bite, for which I growled at her and almost dropped her in her water bowl, but I can't growl quite as well as Killeri.

Jero wanted to eat Orava, but Killeri didn't let him, and besides Orava was armed with a vacuum cleaner.

The cats of the house saw Jero and retreated to strategic positions in the attic.

For those who can read Russian

I highly recommend this posting. This is a collection of Russia people's quotes on sexual matters, put together by the journalist Alexey Vinogradov.

For those of you who cannot read Russian here are a few samples in my translation:

" do you recognize a decent man from an asshole if they all have the same thing on their minds?" (woman, 33)

"...I don't understand much about sex yet, I've had some boys and I've had some men. Six in total. But they did not teach me anything new about sex. What the first boy showed me in on the stairs when we were in ninth grade, that was it. Nothing new. Boring. Maybe I should get married already..." (girl, 19)

" sadistic former husband found out that when he worked in the evenings I brought my lover home and had sex with him everywhere, even on the wide windowsill. The asshole hammered a long nail into the windowsill sharp side up... I sat on it... (woman, 31)

"...I opened my eyes and suddenly noticed that the cadet was having sex with me without taking his pants off. 'Asshole,' - I thought..." (girl, 23)

" do you check if a guy has a condom on? It happens so fast and in the dark or with my eyes closed..."

" can tell a decent man from an indecent one by balls. Decent men wash them and indecent men scratch them..." (woman, 38)

"...I had never seen my husband's peepee before the wedding, which is too bad, I would have thought whether I should really marry that fishing hook..." (woman, 37)

"...once I had sex with a nouveau rich out of stupidity. There was a lot of stuff in his place. The worst was the toilet: never seen a toilet bowl with a muffler..." (woman, 35)

"...I've been working in a kiosk for a while and watched how men buy condoms: if a man is buying condoms and chocolate he is going to his mistress, if condoms and cigarettes, then to his wife, and if he is just buying condoms he is not going anywhere, just being hopeful..." (woman, 34)

"...I was writing to four girls from the army, but none of them bothered to wait for me..." (boy, 21)

"...there are crazy people everywhere nowadays. There is one in our building. He follows women, raises their skirts and shows them his dick. He has shown me his dick too. Who lets such crazy people out of the hospital? He, I heard, eats cats and slleps with an inflatable rubber woman from a store. Once he even got divorced from her. Got angry at her and kicked her out onto the stairs, picked her up only an hour later..." (girl, 19)

"...the Levante-pantyhose did not survive my date with the 30-year-old man who appreciated the soul the most in a woman..."

"...she returned even from Sochi still a virgin..." (girl, 19)

"...we saw a porno movie with girls and discussed every scene. In principle nothing new. But they scream louder than us..." (girl, 19)

"...I haven't had any romantic evenings yet, and that's why I would like to meet a young man who has money..." (girl, 18)

"...every summer city girls come to our village and bring gonorrhea, and then we treat it all winter..." (man, 26)

"...three teenagers borrowed an inflatable woman from one guy and loved her all together with all the passion of unrequited love. Unfortunately one of the teenagers had gonorrhea. He infected his rubber partner and she in turn shamelessly infected the other guys..."

"...when you have sex with a student of a pedagogical institute, it's like torturing a real live teacher..." (man, 22)

"...this oral sex was considered a dirty perversion in our time. Of course people knew about it, and some even used it. Now such sex has become a norm. This is due to women's weakness: in the old times they were strong enough to attract and keep a man with the natural sexual relations, and now, excuse me for the exact comparison, women are literally grabbing men with their teeth..." (woman, 62)

"...I understood that I could not realize all my sexual fantasies at home. The local girls cannot understand what I want. Sex with two women is impossible in our village: they will kill each other... We have one gay guy, but he hides from everyone. In our village I have only managed to try sex between two men and one woman who was thirty years older than us. But she was very drunk and recently died of old age..." (man)

The learning curve

Hamas has appointed a new leader, but hasn't named him publicly for fear that the new leader will be as short-lived as the old one. Which is weird, because they can't really keep the new leader a secret for a long time. Israel is going to find out in a few weeks at the latest, or, failing that, go through all the senior leadership in the hope of nailing the right guy.

Besides, it's unfair of Israel to just attack Hamas all the time. I am sure Hezbollah's leader Nasrallah (as a Russian-speaking person I can't stop admiring the name) wants to meet Allah and his 72 virgins as well.


Went to see the Lord of the Rings marathon in Kinopalatsi with Anu. Kinopalatsi rules. Was nice of them to organize that marathon, to charge so little for it (4 euro a movie) and to show so few ads before the movies.

Was nice to see all three movies in a row for once, and on the big screen too. Although when seeing them in a row it started to irritate me somewhat that Gimli is always a comic relief.

Still sick, so didn't go to the party yesterday, which is a shame.

Bye-bye, Rantisi

Apparently I have been too fast to berate Israelis for failing to show up in military helicopters for the inauguration of the new Hamas leader Abdel Aziz Rantisi three weeks ago. Surely they couldn't make it, what with all the preparations for the Passover and all the hangovers thereafter. Today, however, they finally managed to get a chopper in the air and some chaps who were able to shoot straight, and helped Dr. Rantisi to achieve his dream of martyrdom.

I wonder how many Hamas leaders Israel will have to kill before Hamas will experience severe lack of leader candidates?

Wonder who'll be next, too. My guess is Mahmoud Zahar. (That's the next Hamas leader, of course, not the next terrorist killed by Israel. Israel has so many terrorist organizations to take care of that all bets are off here.)

A leader needed

A large terrorist organization (islamist, sunni, Palestine area leader in suicide bombings) is looking for a leader:

Required skills: organizing suicide bombings, giving speeches and interviews.
Desirable skills: bomb design, English (for the interviews).
Salary: sufficient.
Work duration: judging from the experience of the previous employee, about 3 weeks.
Vacations: unlikely.
Benefits: 72 virgins, supplied in the end of the term.
Job security: provided by Israeli helicopters and therefore rather negative.
Special: must be willing to relocate to Allah.

Friday, April 16, 2004

Gay marriage in MA: countdown 31 days

The first gay marriages are scheduled to happen in Massachusetts on May 17, and Governor Mitt Romney is pissing boiling water. He asked the Legislature to delay the process and the Senate President Robert E. Travaglini told him to bugger off.

Romney has been at it for a while, and this is getting to be really pathetic. He is arguing that gay marriages should be delayed for more than 2 years so that if in November 2006 a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage wins in a referendum they won't have the problem of trying to decide what to do about the gay marriages that have already taken place. Hey, ever thought of not trying to push that amendment so that you won't that that problem? Didn't think so. Concerned that the amendment might not pass once voters see that gay marriages have happened and the Commonwealth of Massachusetts did not fall apart? God forbid...

Besides, face it, man, in order for the amendment to even be put to the referendum the next Legislature must approve it. What makes you so sure that it will? The next Legislature isn't even elected yet.

In another article Romney is wondering how we will define the state residency for the purpose of this law. '"I spent over $100,000 fighting for the right to say that I resided in Massachusetts," said Romney, who lived in Utah before running for governor. ' Gee, maybe actually residing in Massachusetts would have helped? I've moved to MA twice and never had to spend big money on claiming MA residency, and neither had the other 6 million or so MA residents. So maybe it's only a problem for out-of-state prospective governors who are trying to claim MA residency while living in Utah? Do you see many of those coming into state for the purpose of marrying a person of the same sex?

How did we elect this critter for governor (I had no part in it)? Was the other critter even worse?

Yeah, and of course my favorite character in The Seventh Seal is Jöns. Hands up if it surprises anyone.

Kristiina and The Seventh Seal (spoilers)

Spent an evening with Kristiina, and a fine pair we were: Kristiina sleepy from waking up way too early, and me unnaturally hyper from all the pseudoephedrine. We had a good time though, and watched The Seventh Seal. The Tartan version that I have is a bit fucked up, the lower line of subtitles runs partially under the edge of the screen, but Kristiina understands enough Swedish and I know the movie by heart, so it was no problem.

It's a complicated movie with a lot of Christian symbolism, most of which (the symbolism, not the movie) goes right over my head, but Kristiina explained some things that I didn't know. I've seen it a hundred times (possibly literally a hundred) but still so many questions remain (I am sure some serious students of movie art have already written dissertations on them): what to make of the silent woman? Does everyone in the castle in the end, except Jöns, see Death? Is Mia just as inherently uncapable of seeing Death or anything supernatural as Jöns? What is Antonius Block's crisis of faith all about? Is Raval having a crisis of faith too, and what does he have against Jof? How come not everyone who died is led away by Death in the end (Karin, the witch and the silent woman are not there; Antonius Block, Jöns, Skat, Raval, Plog and Lisa are)?

Gotta see it again.

BTW, the first words I had ever learned to say in Swedish were "jag, Antonius Block, spelar schack med Döden". I was 17 then, and had never been to any Nordic country.

Thursday, April 15, 2004


Sharon is trying to separate from the West Bank and Gaza, and keep a few settlements in the process while dismantling the rest. Palestinians are screaming so loudly that one could think he decided to build more settlements rather than dismantle most of the old ones.

For those who does not read this regularly: I don't believe that Palestinians have any kind of a right to the territories they lost in 1967 (that's what happens when you keep attacking your neighbor and losing), but I support the idea of establishing a Palestinian state there for purely pragmatic reasons (basically: they live there now, they have nowhere else to go, Israel shouldn't and hopefully doesn't want to kill them all, Israel doesn't want to annex them and they don't want to be annexed, either). Therefore, I do support Israel's idea to change borders to more convenient ones and separate. But still - isn't Sharon demanding too much?

The settlements of Givat Ze'ev, Gush Etzion and Maaleh Adumim are for all intents and purposes suburbs of Jerusalem that are on the West bank side, right near the 1967 border, and populated by Israelis. No shit Israel wants to keep them. I can understand Palestinians complaining about them on general principle, but it's not like those places are in Palestinian use now. Ariel and Kiryat Arba, however, are deep into West Bank territory, and even though my sympathies in this conflict are clearly on the Israeli side, I can well understand why Palestinians are not thrilled at the idea of two Israeli settlements deep in their territory. Hell, I wouldn't have liked it either.

How does Sharon expect people to get from Israel to those settlements and back? The separation is not going to be peaceful under any circumstances. The Jerusalem suburbs can be (and mostly already are) easily separated from the new Palestinian state by the wall, but how are they going to separate the standalone settlements? How are they going to protect the settlers from Palestinians? Keep Israeli army there? Then how is it different from the current situation? For that matter, how are they going to protect Palestinians from the settlers (at least in Kiryat Arba they'll need to)?

Life is wonderful

I am awfully happy due to better life through chemistry. After several pseudoephedrines and a countless number of cups of tea, I still have enough of a sense or reality to know that my throat continues to be sore, but I really, really don't care. Everything feels so great!

It's a lovely day! And look at those wonderful finite-state automata in my code! And I think I am finally starting to understand all the greatness of Lasu's Lisp! And it feels so good to be horny, even when don't have any means of satifying the urge! And Killeri will run out of meetings next week and get his lovely self into my bed! And there is a LoTR marathon in Kinopalatsi!

I feel like singing and dancing but realize that no amount of pseudoephedrine can make anyone, myself included, voluntarily listen to my singing. No way. But I have some great music here with me, too bad can't dance with the short-cord headphones.

Still sick, now worse

Feel like I have a fever and a hangover, though neither is in fact the case. The throat is burning in a way that seems to suggest an unusually high amount of birch pollen in the air. Feel light-headed and somewhat dizzy, too, but not sure whether that comes from an overuse of pseudoephedrine or electrolyte imbalance from drinking tea all the time. Probably the latter. I think I am on my 6th cup today, and those are 0.5 liter-cups.

Can't even take a sick day since promised a customer a new version of their software today. And can't write it from home unless I want to drag the whole testing setup there. Oh well, probably will take a sick day tomorrow. What's worse, the workplace is running out of tea and I have drunk it all, which makes me feel like a bad employee who'll drink the company into bankrupcy, except that the pointy-haired boss shows no sign of proper concern and running to the store to get more tea.

Getting some rum would work too, but if I drink rum toddy at the rate I am drinking tea now it will become hard to write code for purely mechanical reasons. Alcohol does not seem to impair much the part of my brain that is used to write code, but at some point typing tends to become difficult as cannot hit the right keys on the keyboard.

Yesterday was a Praedor session but I was in no condition to concentrate properly. It seems that the only social activity I am capable of in such a condition is hanging out with a friend or two, which is nice because two friends are coming over tonight.

I think I should get a big box of Kestine ASAP.

On top of all that I really miss Killeri. He is having a long stretch of various meetings and dog activities. I see him in IRC every day, of course, but that does not quite substitute for sex, kissing or touching. I miss the times when we worked together and I could pinch him on the ass every day even when we did not have time to see each other at night. Right now arranging for daily ass-pinching would be somewhat difficult.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004


Randall Terry, the founder of Operation Rescue, and a famous opponent of abortion, birth control, homosexuality and sex in general is having a little trouble: his son Jamiel Terry has just given an interview to the Out magazine about being a homosexual. Randall Terry wrote a response where he blamed the homosexuality on the fact that Jamiel was adopted.

5 years ago Randall Terry was effectively excommunicated from his church "for a pattern of repeated sinful relationships and conversations with both single and married women", among other things.

Eclairs, xine, and antisemites

Had several people over last night, and we made eclairs, or rather Krabak made eclairs and I was standing by and ordering him around. In spite of a lot of preemptive whining of the "I'll definitely fuck up" kind he managed to make perfectly good eclairs. Cooking is fun and instructing other people to cook is even more so. I liked it.

My DVD drive started finally working perfectly well. Turned out the version of xine that comes with SuSE 8.2 is somehow fucked up, I installed a newer version and it works like a charm. Now gotta figure out how to make the damn thing region-free, or whether I even need to.

Turned out that the three Arabs in Budapest did not want to blow up the Israeli president at all, but the Jewish museum. The news sources are of different opinion as to whether they meant the old Budapest Jewish museum that's located in an old synagogue, or the new Holocaust museum.

CNN reports that the terrorists who blew themselves up in Spain were planning to attack the Jewish cemetery.I understand that people get pissed off if their late greatgrandparents get blown up, but is live suicide bombers vs. dead Jews really such a bad deal? I mean, if an appropriately big Jewish cemetery can invite a few thousand suicide bombers to blow themselves up there, wouldn't it be all for the better?

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

In the news

A Russian criminal has put himself out of the gene pool as he was killing 4 people with a bomb. Apparently you are supposed to first get away and then detonate the bomb, and not the other way around. Or, as a US Army manual (probably an urban legend) says, "When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.".

Eight Russian hostages have been taken and then released in Iraq. Apparently somebody reminded the Iraqis what happened to the guys who took Russian hostages a few decades ago in Beirut. Italy, several of whose citizens have been just taken hostage, might want to take notes.

Hungarians have arrested three arabs who tried to assasinate the president of Israel. Why do they even bother? It's not like many people know who the president of Israel is, and it's not like he wields any real power.

The US Attorney General John Ashcroft rejected FBI's appeal for more counterterrorism funds. And the date was September 10, 2001. OTOH, what else can you expect from a guy who lost an election to a dead man?

Better living through chemistry

Woke up with a sore throat today. Ate some ibuprofen and pseudoephedrine for breakfast, went to a drugstore, bought some Kestine and ate a pill of that too.

I don't normally have any problem taking medications for various acute conditions, but when I have to take some allergy medication throughout the allergy season some little Russian wakes up in me and bothers me, and I have to remind myself that my doctor told me that, with the exception of possible strong side effects, it's a lot safer for me to take allergy medication every time I feel in need of it than to just let the allergy symptoms be.

That's mostly a Russian thing, although I see some people in the West have this problem too. Russians, in their own weird way, like all things "natural" and tend to forget that when everything was "natural" human life tended to be rather painful and short. When Russians disapprove of some medication, or some insufficiently natural food, they (many of them, anyway) say "it's all chemistry!" or "it's full of chemistry!", and that incudes even the kind of people who enjoy a drop or two of lysergic acid diethylamide every morning.

That, BTW, is probably one of the main reasons why there are so many abortions in Russia. The birth control pill is "full of chemistry", you see, and therefore unsafe to consume on a daily basis. The same people who first told me that had no problem whatsoever eating the pills when their period was late. Then they took the whole month's set at a time. Usually worked, too.

A contagious meme (via Janka)

Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:

" promettoit la boite." (Rabelais: Gargantua)

Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?

A bookcase.

What is the last thing you watched on TV?

Can't remember, I watch it very rarely. But if a DVD drive qualifies as a TV, I tested my new drive yesterday on Dong Cheng Xi Jiu (The Eagle Shooting Heroes).

Without looking, guess what time it is:


Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?


With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?


When did you last step outside? What were you doing?

Yesterday at about 14, going to a store for paper plates and cilantro.

Before you came to this website, what did you look at?

Pinseri's bloglist.

What are you wearing?


Did you dream last night?

No that I know of.

When did you last laugh?

Yesterday at the party.

What is on the walls of the room you are in?

Nothing, they are mostly covered by bookcases.

Monday, April 12, 2004


Wanted to get some rest, but no rest for the wicked, which is probably all for the better.

Satruday Jarno and Lena were here, and we had a very nice evening even though a somewhat short one. I don't know what gave us the idea to watch a Russian comedy and a Hong Kong one, but it was fun. Gotta get them to visit me again in the near future.

Yesterday went to Ville and Leena and watched hockey and ate pancakes. Leena makes great pancakes. Then we watched The Perfect Storm, which was a lot more impressive in the movie than it was for real, athough it is no surprise since the movie mostly showed the deep sea and I saw the storm from the shore. At some point Ville was also watching some 80s rock bands which mostly consisted of young men with long hair that would have been quite pretty is somebody had used a liter of heavy conditioner and a big brush on it.

Today celebrated the Passover and ate too much. I am never eating anything again. I even made some suspicious vegetarian food, although the only vegetarian who made it here was Meira, but apparently it was well-liked since it was all eaten. For a second I reflected on the irony of an American in Finland celebrating the Passover with Finnish friends and making eggplants Georgian style for the purpose, and not from the Georgia state either, but from the small country in the Causasus.

The German Russian dulce de leche was weighed, measured, and found wanting, but it's sort of OK.

Saturday, April 10, 2004

Passover at aunt Mira's

I miss aunt Mira's Passover parties. She probably still has them but Passover is not an easy time for me to visit Boston, so I never get to be there.

Mira's Passover parties used to have 30-40 guests, and therefore were of the kind where guests are instructed to bring food or drink. Mira is not a religious person, but is sociable in such a way that one could never be sure if there were to be real religious people in attendance, and since secular Jews usually do not trust their own understanding of Kashrut, and for a good reason too, everybody has always considered it safer to bring booze than food, since even the most secular Jew can obtain strictly Kosher booze by going to a liquor store and picking up a bottle whose label says "Kosher for Passover". Mira knew about this tendency of her guests, and compensated quite a bit for it, but the end result always was a lot of drink and a very moderate amount of food.

Folks usually got a good head start on wine and liquor before the ritual, since assembling everyone and everything tended to take a while. By the time everyone was there some of the weaker people were already in no condition to imbibe the ritual 4 glasses, which however never stopped them from doing it.

When the ritual was set to begin people usually remembered that a Haggadah is an important part of it, and the Great Annual Search for the Damn Haggadah ensued, which was in a way more fun than the traditional search for a piece of matzo. Finally the Haggadah was found and it was discovered, much to the amazement of the participants, that this Hebrew-language Haggadah had not miraculously grown a phonetic transcription since the previous Passover. A general call for a Hebrew-speaking or at least Hebrew-reading person was issued, and after a lot of shouting and waving hands some elderly Israeli relative was extracted from a sofa in a far room, or from under the table, or from any other place where elderly Israeli relatives pass out when they have had too much to drink. The Israeli usually looked at the Haggadah and whined that he does not know any biblical Hebrew; but after a thunderous chorus of "who cares, nobody understands anything anyway" diligently tried to read it to us.

When the ritual started all the already drunk grannies noticed for at least 80th time that the Passover ritual requires 4 cups of wine, and with loud complains about such ungodly (?) requirements and the effect of alcohol on their heart, stomachs and other internal organs drank at least 8.

After having drunk all the ritual booze nobody complained about anything and the party continued in the most merry way. It was usually ended with some exercise: trying to insert elderly relatives into back seats of cars. At that level of drunkennes it was almost as much fun and almost as challenging as inserting a playful octopus in your purse.

Not feeling so good

Feeling somewhat unwell in a hangover way, even though have done absolutely nothing to cause such a condition, and also have a hunch that it is not likely to be cured by the regular hangover medicine: beer and ice cream. It's not a real hangover, and I don't think it's a physical manifestation of my relationship problem, although hot chocolate and warm Killeri in bed would probably go a long way toward getting me to forget the physical discomfort. It would be nice to have him in my bed now, not for the purpose of deep conversations about the relationship but simply for sex and other kinds of physical fun.

Either I am very deep in sleep debt (yesterday woke up at 8:40 to an SMS from the boss telling me to relax and enjoy the Easter; at first felt like responding immediately and telling him everything I think about him, then decided that it'd be better to do it at 3 a.m. when I am awake and he, I assume, is not, then decided that SMS is too limited a format to share all my feelings on bosses who send SMSs at 8:40 on a weekend to live human beings), or I am still having some symptoms from the animal allergy of yesterday, or both. Oh well, let us eat a pill of Kestine and a pill of ibuprophene+pseudoephedrine and enjoy better living through chemistry.

Good thing Jarno and Lena are coming tonight: I am not in a mood for a party (not that there is a party anywhere) and not in the mood for being alone either, and they are good company.


Just read the Time magazine's article about Bangladesh. Among other things it says:

"Mahafuzur Rahaman Bahar, a member of the Bangladesh Truck Drivers' Union, says drivers once operated according to a "token" scheme. By paying a fixed sum to the first extortionist they encountered, they received a colored-paper token imprinted with the sign of a tree or a cow, which guaranteed free passage to their destination."

Amazing. Somebody out there has read Terry Pratchett.

Relationship: an update

Spent almost the whole day at Killeri's place yesterday. Apparently the personal space problem is solved or nearly-solved. We both seemed to enjoy it, except maybe the part when I was asking difficult questions and failing to receive difficult answers to them. Good. What's not so good is that Killeri is rather pessimistic about the communication problem. He does not think that it will be easier to talk about problems the next time around. I think and hope that he is wrong, but have to keep in mind that he might be right, too. If he is right this probably means trouble at some point.

I guess there is nothing to it but to continue the relationship and give it my best shot. This will not include an attempt to read his mind. Nothing kills a relationship faster than always wondering when touching the other person whether he really wants me to. I'll do what I do and he better speak up if he doesn't like it. He knows he can always fight me off by tickling. He mostly likes it anyway. :)

Oh well, let's continue.

Just wrote that last sentence and realized that it is a quote from Sartre. Wasn't intentional, but I am not going to delete it just because Sartre wrote it too.

Yeah, and apparently I need better allergy medication. One pill of Claritin did not quite cut it, and I am still coughing.

Friday, April 09, 2004


Was at Seanna's place last night, and we had a really nice evening with sushi and hot chocolate and a couple of pancakes. Should've used hyla (low-lactose) milk though. I rarely use milk products in the amount that is contained in a cup of hot chocolate, and therefore tend to forget what happens after drinking a cup of a full-lactose milk product.

Among other things we discussed one thing that I've always wondered about in vegetarianism: why is it such a all-or-nothing proposition? Unlike pretty much all other food choices, in our culture "vegetarian" means that you never eat meat or fish, and not, for example, that you normally eat only vegetarian food and only eat meat once in a month or two. Of course there are vegetarians who do in fact eat meat or fish every once in a while, but they are considered to be (temporarily) lapsed vegetarians both by themselves, other vegetarians and even by meat-eaters.

Does not work this way with other food choices. I am, for example, not a coffee drinker. Not that I have a need to define myself as such, but in any situation where the division into coffee-drinkers and non-coffee-drinkers is essential I'd definitely put myself in the latter category. However, I do drink some drink containing coffee maybe several times a year, and neither I nor AFAIK anybody else feel that doing so in any way endangers my status as a non-coffee-drinker. So why does eating meat every once in a while endanger a vegetarian's status as a vegetarian? I can sort of understand it when talking about people who are vegetarian for some ethical reason, but why are people who are vegetarians for a health or taste reason considered to be lapsed vegetarians if they eat meat several times a year?

The only other category where there is some stigma attached to ossacional straying is being a non-drinker, but even in this case I think people can more easily understand a non-drinker who drinks one drink on every big holiday than a vegetarian who eats one steak on every big holiday.

Thursday, April 08, 2004

Look at that: due to the subjects of the last few days the ads in my blog have changed and now they say "Healthy Relationships" and "Prove Marital Indifelity". Also my Pinseri ratings rose a little bit.

As I return to my usual topics, maybe they will change to "Healthy Marital Indifelity" and Islamic Terrorism in Belarus"? Also "Use of Dulce De Leche in Krav Maga".

Al Qaeda apparently has a webpage. Now I really feel like learning Arabic just out of curiosity.

Weird people started getting eye jewelry. Ugh.

CNN has a headline "Near-record area of Amazon destroyed", and it took me a minute to realize they don't mean the big net bookstore.

Konqueror has crashed one time too many, so I installed Galeon. So there.

Have to rewrite quite a bit of software because the customers and/or boss have totally changed their mind about what they want it to do. Bugger.

Need a good Haggadah right now.

No Krav Maga today

Woke up just a tiny bit late for Krav Maga, which is too bad because exercise would have done good, but OTOH had a lot of stuff to do in the morning. Last night I realized that I have to do my taxes just about now and in the morning I had to make a copy of tax papers and send the originals to IRS. Filing taxes is a drag even if you don't have to pay a cent, and finding a copy machine in this town is even more so. I used one of the machines in the university, but why the hell aren't there any establishments that make copies and let you use the copier and send faxes for money? And if there are, where are they?

Had to buy some booze, too, because Alkos are closed for the 4-day weekend and I have some people coming over on Monday, and then went to the Russian store and, lo and behold, they had some dulce de leche from Germany. They used to have only the Russian one that was of a very suspicious quality, this new German one is surely better, because it could hardly be worse.

Shit, gotta download a good Haggadah and print it out like a good Jewish girl, except that all the really good Jewish girls have downloaded theirs at least a week ago.

Kilpikonna has been most amusing yesterday, in a vaguely poetic way: "Kun näen seisovan munan, näen barbaarin. Kun näen auki levitetyn tavaran, näen kuilun joka johtaa pohjattomaan syvyyteen."

In the news: men take notice

A study found that frequent sexual activity does not increase the risk of prostate cancer, but can even reduce it. Dear men! For the sake of your own health and the healthcare system's money please lead healthy lifestyles and have sex or at least jerk off often.

The US has managed to do what nobody has done in Iraq before: unite Shiites and Sunnis in a battle against itself. Maybe that's Bush's idea of promoting peace in the Middle East? I think I have a chrystal ball here showing Dubya's ass flying out of the White House in the end of the year.

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

Russians and other party animals

Just went to a bar with a group of scary Russians from one web forum. They turned out not to be all that scary, but quite nice, and none of them even tried to smoke, which was amazing. We went to Kaisla, which I usually avoid since their non-smoking area tends to be full of smoke, but today it wasn't. I looked around and was startled to see vaguely familiar faces, which I mostly could not connect with names, at every table around us. It took me several minutes to realize that there was a Go board and a game in progress on every table. This probably explains the fairly clean air.

Just realized that I have scheduled some kind of evening activities with people for every day up to and including next Wednesday, and am about to schedule Thursday too. This is a bit tiring but pleasant. What I am wondering about, however: when did the surly teenager who used to gladly spend weeks without talking to anyone at all become a party girl?

Love hurts

Panic again. No, nothing new happened in the last few days, I am just being jittery.

In more detail:
On Sunday Killeri has presented to me what IMO is a legitimate grievance on the matter of personal space/time. He also said that the problem is fairly severe and has existed for a while now. We discussed it and decided to work on it.

Since then I have been alternatively hopeful and scared. Hopeful, of course, about the fact that we found the problem and that it can most likely be fixed. Also about the fact that after this demonstration of good use of communication Killeri will possibly mention the problems more often, although I am not sure how likely is that.

The panic is mostly on the matter of "what else is he not telling me". Although the possibility (not very high, IMO) that we might not work the current problem out is also scary in itself.
Things to fret about:
Does he really want to work it out or is it a gentle attempt to start winding it up?
Is this indeed the problem, or is this just a problem, a tip of the iceberg?
Has he been silent about this for such a long time that it has caused some trauma and/or resentment?
How do I get him to tell about problems? How do I know if there are problems? Even when everything seems fine, can I ever trust that everything is fine?
The communication problem seems to be his - but how much of it is really mine?

Killeri is the kind of person who can sometimes easily stand up to people, say "no", talk about problems, etc. , and sometimes cannot. I have so far failed to find any pattern in when he can and when he cannot.

In a addition to the above I have a lot of silly thoughts in my mind right now, from almost-cocky "damn, I am not being appreciated!" to my father's standard lecture about "goyish men can't usually stand up to Jewish women, so if you go out with goyim please be gentle to them and not like you usually are" and the associated guilt about having apparently not been sufficiently gentle (yeah, I know that my father is a silly bugger every once in a while, and god knows I have scared enough Jewish men as well when I lived in places where they were in plentiful supply).

It does not help that both Killeri and I have even less of a mind-reading skill than an average person. Hell, we probably don't have the mind-reading skill of an average person even if we put our skills together.

Wish me luck, people. I feel like I need it.

Hurrah! Hurrah! My server died!

The so-called server (I don't really think that the evil contraption deserves such a lofty name) on my table finally died. I've been waiting for this for a couple of weeks now because I wanted to see how it dies and possibly fix the problem. Well, now I've seen it, still have no idea what is wrong, but at least I know where.

Also, a guy came here and brought me an extremely evil-looking device. Now I can play at being an evil overlord (overlady?).

Yesterday have spent a very nice evening with Lena. Was funny to speak Russian again, and sometimes I did not find the right words and had to replace them with Finnish or English. Had cheese, shrimp curry and a little bit of wine and did not even get drunk.

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

Feeling better

Talked to Anu about relationship problems yesterday, and without the benefit of two bottles of Pol Remy Brut (but that only because I felt like drinking rum toddy instead). Feeling better now.

Noticed that I mention Anu and alcohol in one sentence so often that people who don't know her might think she alone is keeping the French sparkling wine industry from the imminent bankrupcy. This is indeed not the case - it's just that we usually drink together so quite a lot of the time when Anu happens to be drinking it happens in my presence, and when I happen to be drinking it happens in her presence.

The funny thing is that drinking seems to be the only activity whose continuous mentioning gives an impression that the person is indeed doing it all the time. I mention Killeri and sex a lot in one sentence, also because we tend to do it together, but people hardly get an impression that he is having sex 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

Had a game yesterday but I wasn't good since was thinking about relationship problems all the time. Was supposed to have a game tomorrow too, but it got cancelled and instead I am going to meet a bunch of scary Russians. If they start smoking I'll run away.

In spite of feeling better am still thinking about SuSE 9.0. Might just download and install it even though it might not be very sensible. Or, if any of you who know me have a set of installation CDs/DVDs that I can borrow, it would be nice. Although I am not holding my breath - everyone is using Debian nowadays.

Market value theory

This is a continuation of a question I have raised in comments to Ilkka's blog. And let's begin with mentioning that I am not a proponent or opponent of sociobiology, I just haven't read enough on it to form an informed opinion.

And the question is: why, in the sociobiological sense of the word "why", women in most cultures do not actively pursue men? (I know that a lot of women do, but I don't think they are a majority, even though here in Finalnd they are probably a fairly large minority.) I understand the point about men needing women more than women need men. At least all the sociobiological writings that I'd ever run into have mentioned that sociobiologically it makes sense for a man to settle for any relationship he can get, no matter how substandard it is, as opposed to being single, and it makes sense for a woman to hold out for the best man she can get even if it means being single for long time and then sharing the man with others.

In the light of the above, why don't all or almost all women actively pursue men? Pursuing men actively is the easiest way to get a better man than the women who do not pursue men. There is of course a certain amount of diversity in the desires of women, but if one wants, for example, to optimize for looks and intelligence, one generally gets a prettier and smarter man by choosing and approaching some good-looking and smart but shy nerd than by waiting for men to approach and then choosing the prettiest and smartest one from the approaching candidates.

Monday, April 05, 2004

Meanwhile in the world...

Australians got a vodka-flavored ice cream and all the busybodies are pissing boiling water and screaming "but think about the children!". "Streets, which makes the Magnums now on sale in Victoria state as part of its "vice-cream" range, said the ice creams contained only vodka flavoring and no alcohol." Considering that vodka has no other flavor except that of alcohol, how do you get a vodka flavor without alcohol?

We are dragging Iraq, as Pratchett would say, kicking and screaming into the century of the Fruitbat. Is it really worth it?

Four or five terrorists have departed from Spain to Islamic heaven, unfortunately taking a police officer with them. The French have also caught a truckload of terrorists, and somebody blew up a bomb at a market in Kashmir and hurt 57 people.

US is starting to demand fingerprints from all European visitors in October, and everyone is pissed off. I don't quite understand why. I mean, I can well see it as an invasion of privacy but it's certainly not a bigger invasion of privacy than biometric passports will be. Maybe it's just that I've had my fingerprints taken more times than I can remember, but I certainly wouldn't be bothered if tomorrow the USA decided to take fingerprints of all Americans as well, or if Finland did. As long as they provide handwashing facilities afterwards, who cares?

The only thing that bothers me in the way the US government collects information is that I don't really believe in their skills of keeping the information safe from others.


The zoo was nice, even though many of the animals looked as hungover as I felt, and a lot were just sleeping somewhere. No cute white arctic foxes to be seen. Unlike usually, the skunk was hidden but the smell was there. Cute little black monkeys were nowhere to be seen, but the baboons showed themselves well enough. I even saw the big gray baboon (I call him "head of the department") interact with a tiny little one.

Some waterfowl saw Killeri and said "moo". Killeri said "moo" back. The waterfowl apparently liked his accent and said "moo" even louder.

Chest pains

Still have a bit of pain in the chest. It would be very romantic to think that my heart is aching literally because of love, but, alas, I know that it's just my chest muscles aching after a well-fed sparring partner sat on my chest on Thursday. This serves to demonstrate how right Ari (the teacher) was in telling us never to let a strangler sit on our chest. I'll try to follow this advice as much as possible.

I think the only women whose heart literally aches because of love are the ones in the senior citizen housing, and for a good reason, since there are probably three women for each man there.

I will survive, and so will the fridge, hopefully

The great battle against the fridge ended just before five in the morning, when I managed to remove the last huge piece of ice. I did not break myself, or the fridge, or even drop the frozen shrimps on any of the neighbors, although in the case of some of them that would not have been a great loss (the neighbors, not the shrimps).

Went to sleep at five. Was horny and in need of a hug, but by that time Killeri was probably seeing sweet dreams in his own bed in Tikkurila. Rather uncharitably wished him a huge erection and wet dreams and went to bed myself.

IMO the biggest sexual problem of femininity is that there are some moments when the flesh is still willing but the wrist is already sore.

Woke up at 9:30 and managed to achieve some sort of vertical orientation at 10:30. Am not even too distraught to write code.

Changed my Helsinki transportation pass to a Helsinki metropolitan area transportation pass. The silly buggers wanted 5 euros extra for the change. Sniff. Also bought a lunch, which does not happen often. It's raw ground beef, which is not a symptom of being upset but a thing I normally eat every once in a while. I recommend it: good taste, low calories, unforgettable expressions on coworker's faces.


That was the sound of a huge piece of ice hitting three sauce bottles.

I think my ongoing attempt to become a Better Person (tm) has brought at least some results. Right now I am satisfied with defrosting the fridge and performing unnatural acts on various software; did not even install SuSE 9.0 as threatened. Last time I had a severe attack of feelings, 11 years ago, I needed human victims. I found willing victims in the management of a certain supermarket; they did not know they were willing, but the fact that they had my pictures developed one day late and did not give them to me for free like they were supposed to when pictures are late made them willing enough in my eyes.

Was fun, really: I called the main office of the chain, and then relaxed at home waiting for apologies. First the New England area manager called to apologize, then the Massachusetts area manager, then the Boston Metro West area manager and then the store manager who had refused to give me the pictures. And then I was mean to him.

See? Progress!

Maybe I'll write evil stories sometime. About FirstUSA bank who closed my credit card because my new address did not match my old address (they have a problem with the concept of people moving, or the concepts of "old address" and "new address"), and about the cellular service provider Voicestream (may it rest in peace) whose customer service's favorite answer to all the questions was "hello? hello? I can't hear you!".

Feelings, again

What do you think, people, is my desire to download and install SuSE 9.0 a consequence of a distraught emotional state? The idea has visited me earlier this week, so is not totally caused by emotional state; OTOH, when I was constantly depressed in Boston I used to compile kernels all the time just for the hell of it.

Relationships and the need to talk

Had a long talk with Killeri today (no, not of the "let's break up" kind). He is not much of a talker usually, at least not about the relationship, and I tend to imitate his silence, which is not very good, because some things which need saying/asking/discussing are left unsaid.

I won't go into all the details, because most of them are both private and boring, and the only people who can listen to them are ourselves, and maybe Anu after 2 bottles of Paul Remy Brut. But, in short: we are both people who need a lot of private space and time. We have always known there is a quantitative difference in our need for privacy; today, we discovered and discussed the qualitative difference.

I'll mention only 2 things we discussed. There were a lot more, but you'll die of boredom.

1. Since Killeri needs more private time, I never feel like he is infringing on mine. The only exception to it was our trip to Boston last fall, when he was with me all the time and I told him a couple of times "don't you want to go explore the city on your own a bit?" and he refused. I didn't insist then, figuring that I am a local of sorts, he is a guest, so if he wants to be shown around I better grin and bear it. Now it turned out he was just trying to be nice to me, thinking that I don't want him to go. We had a big laugh over this one and decided to remember it the next time we are in Boston or somewhere else abroad.

2. Killeri lives with roommates, or rather one roommate at the moment. I do not live with roommates and don't particularly care to, and did not like it when I did even though I had one really great roommate. His roommate is Kristiina, who is also a friend of mine. I have always been very shy about going over there to see Kristiina, because I didn't think it proper that a man comes home without expecting any nasty surprises and suddenly runs into his girlfriend who is visiting his roommate. I just assumed it because I know that if roles were reversed it would bother me. Turns out it does not bother him at all and I was fretting for nothing.

These things are good to talk about. Really. Should've talked about them long ago.

Sunday, April 04, 2004

Grrr (don't my titles sound all the same lately?)

I am having a sudden attack of feelings. That's what "grrr" is all about.

People who don't know me well often think that I don't like to talk about feelings, but that is not the case at all. I like talking about feelings and analyzing them well enough, I just don't usually have any particularly interesting feelings to talk about. Tonight, however, I got a lot of feelings and no desire to talk about them here (I talked to Killeri today and I'll talk to Anu over a bottle of wine). The whine does not concern as much the feelings themselves as my way of dealing with them.

It's been 11 years since the last feeling attack of a similar kind and intensity, and I had totally forgotten the amount of mildly destructive things that I do to distract myself. Before I could realize what I was doing I was washing all the dirty dishes I could find and trying to defrost the fridge, which in its current condition is a kamikadze mission. Not that it's a bad thing in itself, I needed to wash the dishes anyway as have a game at my place tomorrow, and the fridge has been needing defrosting for at least 2 months now. But doing both of the above while distraught is not a good idea, and now I am having foam coming out of my ears in an unfortunately literal way. There is also foam in many other places where it is not supposed to be. That's ok, foam is warm and easy to wash off, but soon there will be pieces of ice lying all over the kitchen. There are frozen shrimps hanging outside of my window and decorating the building. And by the time the damn thing will finally get defrosted it will probably be morning, too.

People, don't get an attack of feelings when your fridge is in need of defrosting. If I had the sense to defrost the fridge 2 months ago when it needed defrosting, and defrost it again yesterday when it needed defrosting again, I would be doing something useful and inoffensive like downloading new codecs now. Instead of that I am fighting the fridge.

Killeri has narrowly escaped being conscripted to help with the defrosting and is probably giggling at home while reading this. But just you wait, I'll be at his place on Friday and can threaten his fridge, so that he drags me upstairs and performs his boyfriendly duties with me at least 4 times in a row in order to save himself from the imminent fridge defrosting. Wonder if we can have sex so loudly that it'd scare the cat (never had sex in Zenya's presence and don't know how she reacts to it). Don't care for Zenya joining in, she has huge claws and meows very loudly, besides we'd probably be arrested on charges of cruely to animals, rather than Zenya on charges of cruelty to humans.

The fridge is growling threateningly and somewhere huge pieces of ice are falling. Oy vey. Hope it's not my frozen shrimps falling on the neighbors, they might not appreciate.

On the lighter note: Lasu got a really silly-looking new haircut. Gonna scare all the customers to death.