Thursday, December 07, 2006

"Oh dear, why are they afraid of us?"

The commander of Estonia's armed forces, Major General Ants Laaneots, said that Russia is the biggest security threat to Estonia. “We border on an unfriendly state, to put it mildly," - he said, and, much to the suprise of the sweet and innocent Russian authorities, he did not mean Latvia or Finland.

“Using the diplomatic language, I could say that such statements evoke perplexity and concern, that they are impossible to understand,” said Russian defence minister Sergei Ivanov.

If he means it literally he probably needs to be watered every day. He has less understanding than the basil plant on my windowsill, and the poor plant has been dead and dry for a month now.

He also said that the leaders of Estonia and Latvia should stop taking Russia and its people for extraterrestrials. Man, check out the Russian web forum in Finland. Aliens really do live among us, and I don't mean it in the sense of "resident aliens".

OK, explaining it really slowly for vegetables, aliens from outer space and Russian politicians:

Imagine that I am your neighbor, and I am raping you in the ass with a spiked eggplant. (That assuming that you don't enjoy this kind of thing - if you do, imagine something unpleasant instead.) Imagine I'd been at it for 51 years, except for a 3-year break right in the beginning where somebody else came and kicked me out and raped you in the ass with an eggplant until I came and kicked them out and continued. Imagine also that I have raped all the other neighbors I possibly could, and tried to rape several that I couldn't. Imagine that 15 years ago I stopped on account of running out of food and having bigger problems, and since then I did not apologize, have treated my neighbors with all kinds of contempt, kept saying how grateful they all should be to me for rescuing them from whoever raped them for 3-4 years 50-60 years ago. Imagine also that I am still much bigger than you and have a large collection of spiked eggplants.

Wouldn't you still be a little afraid of me? Or would you suddenly believe that I am all about hugs and puppies?

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