Wednesday, December 13, 2006

"...ja se Adolf oli hyvä jätkä, mutta harmi kyllä jätti hommat kesken..."

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: Gentlemen and gentlemen! Welcome to the Second Holocaust Conference. On the agenda: 1. Holocaust never happened. 2. Holocaust was a good thing anyway. 3. Bloody Hitler hasn't finished the job, and if you can't trust Germans to see things through, who can you trust? 4. Imminent destruction of Israel. 5. Imminent death of the Internet (film at 11). Our guests of honor include American scholar David Duke (University of Ku Klux Klan) and representatives of the most pious Orthodox Jewish sect, Neturei Karta.

David Duke: Antisemites of the world, unite!

Antisemites of the world: Ugh, of course we hate Jews but this is embarassing.

Hassidim(changing into red clothes and dyeing their beards blond): No shit this is embarassing. The fucking Neturei Karta look just like us, and they went to Iran.

People of Israel: What, all of them? Hurrah! Hey, guys, let's not let them back in!

People of Iran: Argh, those guys are Israel's secret weapon! Incoming! Run!!!

Neturei Karta: We are against all evil: Enlightenment, the Zionist entity and taxes. Especially taxes. We are also running out of money ever since old Yassir kicked the bucket. Please give generously.

Hamas leadership: Sorry, we can't support any old antisemitic Jewish group right now, we don't even have money for explosives. We can't steal as much money as Yassir, you'd have to be Kofi Annan and work for Halliburton to do that. Hey, why don't you hit Mad Jad for money?

Rabbi Weiss: We the Jews who perished in the Holocaust would like to claim our right to be more anti-semitic than any other people in the world.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: I knew this guy was a vampire! (Stakes him.)

Grand Ayatollah #1: Are those Neturei Karta guys more fundamentalist than us? This is not acceptable.

Grand Ayatollah #2: They have longer beards, too!

Grand Ayatollah #1: But our turbans are way cooler than their stupid hats.

Neturei Karta: You bet your sweet ass we are more fundamentalist! You have not evolved in the last 1400 years, we have not evolved in 3000! Nor taken a shower, either.

Everybody: Down with Israel! Down with Israel! Down with Israel!

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: Israel is gonna fall real soon now! As soon as we acquire our peaceful nuclear power!

Ehud Olmert: Hah, those crazy fuckers want to have nucler weapons just like the US, Russia, France or us? And yeah, by the way, we are still continuing our policy of ambiguity on whether Israel really has nukes or not.

Vladimir Putin: Policy of ambiguity? I like it! Listen, everybody, Russia is pursuing the policy of ambiguity on the death of Litvinenko.

Neturei Karta Rabbi #1: Hey guys, we are in this country where everything is supposed to be 1600 years more modern than us, and we still can't get any women!

An Iranian guy: Maybe you should try a 1600-year-old woman?

Neturei Karta Rabbi #2: Women? I read about them in the Torah. Do they still have them?

Neturei Karta Rabbi #1: Yeah. They are most useful. That's how you get the new little Neturei Karta. Besides you can put them to work and then you don't run out of money even when Hamas has payroll problems.

Neturei Karta Rabbi #2: That's so cool! So why don't we have any?

Neturei Karta Rabbi #1: Because secular guys got them all!

The Grand Ayatollahs: No shit! Even here the other guys have got all the women and we have to do with 9-year-olds. But don't worry, they grow fast.

Neturei Karta Rabbi #3: What's wrong with this country? All the women run away as soon as I open my mouth! Feels almost like back home in Israel.

A Hamas guy: The proper term is "Zionist entity".

A Hezbollah guy: The proper term is "Little Satan".

Neturei Karta Rabbi #1: Hey, their president is kinda cute! And he got a shorter beard than any of us. I'd prefer a real woman, but he'll have to do. ( Kisses Ahmadinejad)

Neturei Karta: Mazel tov!

The Grand Ayatollahs: Hey, we saw him first! Get your Zionist hands off our President!

Neturei Karta: Anti-Zionist!

The Grand Ayatollahs: Whatever.

Fred Phelps: Fucking faggots, all of you! Don't you have any female cousins?

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