A prayer

Dear Lord,

Please help me concentrate on writing the damn software, or else my employer will chew my head off. Also, please help the employer concentrate on salary.

Please do not lead me into temptation with that really good Austrian Samichlaus beer. Failing that, at least reduce the prices on it. Ten euros is really too much.

Do not lead me into licentiousness and immorality, such as buying sex toys made by N.M.C, Ltd. without having a clear idea of their proper use, or installing new versions of the Linux kernel for no good reason. For the purposes of this prayer you can assume that the kernel version that I am installing right now is being installed for a good reason.

Please insert the sex toy that I am currently using for propping the washing machine into the appropriate orifice of its designer, unless he or she would enjoy it.

If you have time, please write a decent patch for the 8139too ethernet card driver. Failing that, get me another card.

Do not lead me into temptation of buying new hardware all the time, for therein lies madness, huge credit card bills and constant search for drivers.

If you are in the mood for smiting, there is always Omar Bakri Mohammed. Do invent something perverse for him. For starters he should be caught fornicating with a similar fanatic of the same sex, but a different religion, and thereafter he should find bestiality and some radically new religion, such as Hare Krishna (no offence to them), and he should move to Saudi Arabia to preach his new religion. This plan has a flaw, since the man has already been kicked out of Saudi Arabia for being too much of an Islamic fanatic, but I am sure you can work around that.

If you have time after smiting Islamic fanatics, you might want to do some smiting of spammers. They deserve a milder punishment. For example, all their spam might be printed on the paper and all the paper fed to them.

And please, please do not give me impure thoughts when I am trying to concentrate on Enterprise Java Beans. I already have enough impure thoughts during the rest of the day.