Vacation

Kilometers driven: 3000 (but Oska was driving)
New states seen: 5 (does not include Washington, Tennessee, or Michigan, of which saw only the airports)
National parks seen: 6
Calories: an astronomical number
Alcohol units: way too few
Flights: 8
Of which with food: 5
Of which with edible food: 1
Bottle openers confiscated in airports: 1 (but obviously my own fault)
Bottle openers not confiscated in airports: 1
Bras purchased: 7
Of these, actually fit onto tits: 7 (extremely good)
Slot machines played: 0 (very good, considering)
Homophobic, homicidal, Ahmadinejad-loving aunts: 1 (but is 100% of my aunts if using the strict definition of the word)
Continental breakfasts: more than my lifetime's share
Nasty infections: 1
Doctors seen in connection with same: 4
Results from said doctors: a huge black-and-white xeroxed photo of the lesion, a referral for a cholesterol test and $215 worth of antivirals whose only effect is to cause flatulence in the airplane (though that might also have been the beans they gave us).

I still had a great vacation, everything I expected and more. The Grand Canyon was very grand indeed, and the Monument Valley quite monumental. The Red Canyon was extremely red, and even the Zion Canyon had some Zionists, or at least Israelis.