Monday, December 20, 2010

Sex with sleeping people

The Assange scandal has generated a lot of talk about explicit and implied consent, and sex with sleeping people. I understand that these issues are complicated, but am I really the only one to whom the idea of trying to have sex with a sleeping person is extremely strange even when one does have standing consent?

I was raised with the idea that sleeping people want to sleep, unless they have explicitly asked to wake them up at a specific hour. Also, that we do not wake up sleeping people unless they have asked for it or unless there really is an emergency. Being horny does not constitute an emergency.

Seriously - it had never occurred to me that trying to have sex with a sleeping person - even one who has told me that that he would like to have sex with me in the morning - could result in anything else besides being lectured on bad manners and expelled out of the bed.


Anonymous said...

My gf actually used to think this as good idea. She was also certain that having an erection while asleep meant having wet dream and was thus invitation to hop on. However having erection asleep is more likely part of rem sleep.

Being mounted while being a sleep and having erection, but not being exited is not very pleasant thing. Especially so, since having erection while not being excited is not a normally occurring state, and therefore somewhat hard to understand in semiconcious state.

"You need wake up to do me" is less bad, whereas equally unlikely to result sex in short notice and likely to result complains about wanting to sleep.

She also asked spesificly me to lube myself up and penetrate her sometime when she was asleep. I have not tried that, but what I have tried was that even slight touching of external genitalia resulted her immediately waking up without understanding reason for waking up. Touching/sucking nipples did not cause such reaction, but was never able to cause sufficient excitement to even consider more...

Unknown said...

How women can be penetrated when they sleep? Whole thing feels rather difficult to achieve without co-operation or forcefullly and so waking her up anyway.


Anonymous said...

The reason it could provoke a reaction different from what you described (a lecture on bad manners) might just be a difference of strength or power. Or, a reaction to an attempt of, you know, rape. Because, yes, having sex with a person who has not explicitly given a consent (and furthermore, in this context, is totally unable to do so) is rape and I really wish this was crystal clear to everyone.

Besides, a sleeping woman is much more vulnerable, at least physically, than a man who is awake. Having sex with someone who hasn't given you a clear consent (such as: "please fuck me while I sleep")- or, you know, raping someone, we might as well call it by its real name- , it seems to me, is mostly about power tripping and it would be no surprise if a person in a position of power would feel like powertripping.

Anonymous said...

to that anon that thinks it's always rape, by that logic, a woman who wakes her husband with a good morning kiss is a rapist, do you really like that logic. Just because there is no explicit consent does not mean rape, there must be some sort of consideration for implied consent.

Alban said...

I saw so much useful data in this post!

Anonymous said...

My husband did this to me and I feel "raped.". Everyone includin him and my family think I'm the one that needs therapy. I feel disgusted, disgraced, and completely stopped of my dignity. I feel he didn't respect me enough to care if I was awake or not - as long as he got what he woke up for it was all good. I told him he will never touch me again...then he replied that he doesn't want to have anything to do with me if he can't touch me. Am I the only one who thinks this is crazy and feelin this way???