Art Price Jr. from Belleview, Ohio has been sentenced to 6 months in prison for having sex with a metal picnic table. His own table, mind you.
Part of the problem was that his home was located close to a school, which made it "disseminating harmful material to juveniles", even though it is not known if any juvenile has actually seen him in the act at any point.
The police got the tip from a person who recorded three DVDs of Price screwing the table on four separate occasions.
My first thought: damn, doesn't it hurt? He was doing it in winter, when licking a metal table outside sure would've hurt, so wouldn't sex hurt too?
My second thought: now that we know all about the villain, I wanna see the hero. Come on, man (or woman), show your face! I really wanna see what kind of person videotapes the neighbors during their tender moments with the garden furniture.
Maybe Mr. Price should move to Eastern Finland - he'd surely get in less trouble for doing it there, even with a human. On the other hand, considering how cold it gets in winter, maybe better not.