Friday, January 25, 2008

Mini-midlife crisis?

I've been mildly dissatisfied with life lately, for no apparent reason.

Maybe I have just reached the age when a lot of people start wondering whether the grass is greener on the other side, and whether they should have been doing something else in life than whatever they chose to do, and whether they should start doing something else instead before it's too late. Have another, glamorous job. Have a family. See the world. Party. Spend time with friends. Screw around. Buy a red sports car.

Problem is, the grass is not really greener on the other side, and doesn't even seem greener. There is really nothing I would rather be doing, and no one else's life that I would rather be living. I might not be paricularly passionate about my job, but I like it. There was a time when I would have preferred to have a career in the academia, but I am glad I left it behind, and never regretted it for a second. I don't want children. I have seen quite a lot of the world, and have screwed around, too, and am planning to continue. I party, and spend time with my friends. I have been reasonably pleased in most of my relationships with men, and would have probably also been reasonably pleased if I had chosen the other men who were under serious consideration. I have totally no use for a red sports car. Or spirituality.

There is still a bit of a "is that all there is to life?" feeling. It's not severe, but I do notice it occasionally.

It's kind of weird to have this feeling when I see the grass on many other sides all the time, and none of it is really greener.

Maybe I should just buy one of those very bright lamps. Or fall in love. Or upgrade the hardware in my computer. Something exciting.

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