Shame?

Every once in a while when women are talking about sexual harassment, especially during their teens or earlier, but often also as adults, the topic of shame comes up.

I'd never had any clue why. Anger, yes. Annoyance. Frustration. Fear, not usually my thing unless the harassment is obviously threatening, but I can totally understand. What is there to be ashamed about? In all my long history with it, from the guy in a tram who put his hand in my underwear when I was 8 or 9, to the guys who followed me in the street and begged for sex and didn't want to hear no, and the guys who demonstrated their dicks from their cars when a dick pic wasn't a thing yet, and the strangers who found it necessary to inform me that I have big tits, I have never lost the track of who should be ashamed there - and it wasn't me.

I'd wondered if I had lived a sheltered life after all, if there is some cultural difference, although I heard the shame thing from Russian women just as well, and where the hell did those other women get that message from.

Today I tried to think harder, and yes, now I realize the message was there. All those people who told me and my friends that if we just position ourselves right, or carry ourselves right, or dress right (all of the above meant different thing for different people) we would make those guys respect us and stop harassing us. I heard the message, over and over again. I even argued with them, my points being that a) while I understand and use some precautions to avoid physical assault, there is no fucking way in hell I'd change anything in my life just to prevent some asshole from embarrassing himself publicly, and b) I have absolutely no use for their respect, and the kind of people who's respect me only if I have a very high neckline and never smile can stick their respect where the sun don't shine.

I don't think the well-intentioned shamers ever understood. One of them was even my guidance counselor in school, and should have known better.

As to why I didn't get the memo at the time - I think it's just something undiagnozed on the autism spectrum. Damn inconvenient pretty often, but comes handy when you don't want some stupid social message hammered into your head.

I don't think many young girls will read this, but just in case any do:

1. It's not anything you did or failed to do. The harassers are doing it because you happen to be female, and young, and they happen to be there, and assholes, and horny. Sometimes they also do it to people who are male and young. Getting older doesn't quite get rid of them, but reduces the numbers considerably.

2. Unless you are physically threatened or think you might be, there is really no point in inconveniencing yourself just to avoid their attention. They should be ashamed of themselves, and we as a society are slowly going in that direction, but right now they are an annoying fact of life like telemarketers and banana flies.

3. The harassers really should be ashamed of themselves. They are embarrassing themselves in public. It might or might not be safe to laugh and point, but if you are upset and want to make yourself feel better, just imagine that guy standing on his hands naked from the waist down, ass up in the air, and a sparkler up his ass. Or imagine him as the protagonist of one of those Youtube videos where people do spectacularly stupid things.

4. Don't think how to make them respect you. They are people of no consequence, and their respect has no value at all. They are still human beings and might get better, but if you ever have to deal with them after the harassment, it's them who should be working on earning your respect, not other way around.

Happy Independence Day!

Happy Independence Day,  Finland! 101 years without Russia!

The war on opiates and constipation

Every time a war against anything starts in the US, the warriors are very annoyingly efficient. Last year I just wanted a little plastic bag for my purchases in a pharmacy in Harvard Square. I asked the cashier for a plastic bag, and he looked at me with huge round eyes and open mouth, as if I had asked him for newborn baby brains sprinkled with cocaine. Then he looked around, as if trying to make sure that nobody heard us, and whispered: "Don't you know? Plastic bags are forbidden!" I told him that I live in Helsinki, Finland, and the news of the city of Cambridge forbidding the plastic bags hadn't quite made the front page there. This seemed to surprise him.

But yes, they are forbidden now. Mind you, not taxed, or sold for money (unless you want to buy a pack of 100 or so; unless they already got to those as well), or something like that. Forbidden. The paper bag was utterly unusable for my purposes so I made do sticking the stuff in various pockets of my jeans and purse, and buggered off, wondering what they are gonna ban next.

I guess we found it now: Loperamide, aka Imodium. As a part of general struggle against the opiate addiction. Because some people apparently use it as a drug, in the amounts of 100 times the recommended dose. (As an aside: I have taken the drug in question once in my life, half a pill, and didn't shit for a week after that. Do the people who take 100 pills at a time shit at all, ever again?)

Anyway, now the FDA is asking the manufacturers to discontinue selling the big packages, and the people with chronic diarrhea are screwed. Paska juttu.

Warning: men at work

Every once in a while when I am at a job or client interview I get asked the question "we have a mostly male team, is it OK with you?". I am wondering what kind of answer do they expect:

"Oh no! Men are icky and have cooties!"
"Oh no, I would be so horny that I wouldn't be able to work at all."
"Well, all my previous teams mostly consisted of women, but I guess it's 21st century now and I am sure men can be just as good."
"Oh no, men! Is nothing sacred anymore?"
"They are beastly creatures, but I'll try to grin and bear it."

Android permissions and how to deal with the apps that misuse them

Every once in a while there has been some scandal with Google or Facebook or someone collecting a shitload of surprising data in their Android apps, so I decided to write a simple guide on what to do about it.

1.  If you have an Android phone running an Android version below 6, get a newer one, if you can. With versions 5 and below pretty much the only thing you can do is to check the app permissions on Google Play, and not install the ones that ask for too much. Fat chance.

2. Yes, do check the permissions that are listed for the app in Google Play. Yeah, I know you are gonna install that app that asks for your firstborn anyway. Or at least I totally did in the dark ages before Marshmallow.

3. After you install the app go to settings - applications - permissions. If it has already taken some permissions without asking you, it means that the app was built for Android 5 or below. The one and only reason anyone would do that anymore is that they want to use some permissions without you noticing. Do you need an app from such people at all? If the answer is yes, deny it whatever permissions you want to deny.

4. If the app has been developed by honest people, it will ask for permissions as you use it. Again, deny whatever you want to deny.

As to what you want to deny: basically, if you don't know what the app uses it for, and it fails to explain it adequately, or if you don't use that function, feel free to deny it.  Facebook Messenger, for example, asks for a shitload of permissions. If you only use it for text communication with other Facebook users, you don't need any of them. If you send pictures you might want to give it the storage permission, if you also want to take pictures, the camera permission, if you really want to share your location, the location permission, etc.

One thing about the location permission: even if you deny it, the fuckers can sort of estimate it from your IP address. And if you hide your IP address, at least the cell towers can see your phone. Yes, even if you leave your SIM card at home. If you really, really don't want anyone to know where you are, leave the phone home.