Pant crisis

Pant crisis is upon me again, and this time seriously.

Pants can't stand me. I, on the other hand, can't stand skirts. We have a problem.

Bad habits die hard. I tend to walk a lot, walk with my legs touching each other, and sit in weird positions with my legs wide open and/or crossed. All of this leads to occasional violent disintegration of pants, resulting in excessive ventilation in the crotch area and involuntary indecent exposure.

Buying bigger pants doesn't help. The pair that disintegrated on me a couple of days ago was so big they tended to fall off completely, and once actually did so when I forgot to wear a belt.

Anyway, yesterday I realized that I am one rather flimsy pair of pants away from having to run to a pant store wrapped in a towel or a jacket (yes, happened to me once before) and went shopping.

Shit. The Eighties fashions - may their inventors forever wear shoulder pads in their condoms - came back with a vengeance, and most of the pants are really tight in the lower leg. Apart from the ugliness of it, the problem is, they don't fit. At all. It's quite natural that some pants are too small and don't fit my ass, but I try the pants meant for my size and can't fit them over my calves. They never even reach the ass. The ones that do reach the ass are so big that they don't want to stay on it.

In my experience this is not a problem that can be solved by gaining or losing weight, the proportions stay the same.

This time I found a pair of jeans that actually fit, but if this Eighties thing continues and spreads, what the hell am I gonna do?